The Memorial of my MUSICAL STORIES.

These few days , stayed at home. BORED. So I really have to find something else to do.

Wanna find a job , nah , who would hired a person who works only for three weeks ?

I read books ( until my bed also full of books , I even slept with them =.='' )  , I learned new recipes , I went for sports. But still.. sigh..

I sort of lost every of my passion as a young adults since my first semester of college end...

 UNTIL !

Yeah , I searched back all my classical's music book. Started to played every single pieces of them out of my boredom.

But hey ! Gosh ! That feeling came out from me again , the feeling of SUCCESS and ART !! ART !! Muahahaha !!

Sitting infront of the piano , found myself drowning into music for over 6 hours.Non stop playing and trying for new pieces.

Somehow , I really do forget that I still have music as part of my life.The only greatest talent given by God. Cempaka , how can I abandon such precious thing which always lives in me ?

I should discover and Improve more about this talent of mine.If possible , I'll make it greater and greater day by day.

I wanna prove to myself , that I... LOVE MUSIC !!!! MUAHAHAHAHAH !!!

But...I also need money to hire a professional for proceeding my piano learning courses. :( haiz..  
BEETHOVEN LISZT RACHMANINOFF JOHANN SEBASTIAN BACH HANDEL HAYDN SCHUMANN CHOPIN MENDELSSOHN DVORAK ERIK SATIE VERDI VIVALDI ANDERSON MASSENET VAUGHAN WILLIAMS CHABRIER J STRAUSS DEBUSSY et cetera et cetera.

told ya my finest favourite still belongs to Classical. ;) The ancestor of all genre of music. 

I remember my very first classical music I listened to since I was a little ( Age 5 if I wasn't mistaken ) Is The Radetsky March , by J Strauss. I was so fond with this music until my mom also cannot tahan , bought all the classical music collections cassette for me.

But the one that encouraged me to start my piano lesson was non other than , guess what ?

Not Beethoven Fur elise or Moonlight sonata , not Pachelbel Canon In D , not Chopin Nocturne , not Clementine Piano Sonata no no no

but is non other than VALSE ,  " PETIT CHIEN " op.64 no.1 

That was the first ever piano classical music that encouraged me to touch those precious keys for my very first time. 

Amazing huh ? Yeah , music is always that amazing.

But later I tend to discovered the remarkably string sound from VIOLIN ~ Gosh , that was an amazing instrument which had ever been created. I thank the one who invented this great Invention of all.

I remember a boy who captured my attention by placing a Violin on his shoulder , playing it In a way which I can say , so charming and attractive. xD That day , I was Intended to perform my piano at a Musical College name YAMAHA.And this cute little boy... he was the last one to perform ( like I always said , the last is still the best )  THIS BOY RULES  MAN !! HE WAS GREAT !! He seems really calm and cool while performing his Violin , together with the masterpiece enchoring behind name BACH , Air On the G string. ( I bet all of you recognize this piece )

I was stunned at that moment. My world only Involves me and him.Everything surround me just lost.
My nerves went out , and my tears rolled out. I just wished if I were him. GOSH !! WHY !?

MOM  !! WHY PIANO !!? WHY !!?

And my mom says : " Because I hate Violin. "

....

CHEH =.=''' . No choice lor , the money belongs to hers. She can do whatever she wanted to.

But very sienz lor , My cousin all piano de  ~ ( believe me , ALL PIANO !! ) Now I also wanna continue piano meh ? SIGH...

UNTILL NOW , I never get rid of BACH from my mind. Especially Air on the G string. Cause this masterpiece reminds me of that boy. Who taught me the real meaning of VIOLIN through his playing. LOL I wonder how is he doing right now ? Did he continue his journey on Violin ? Must be great , cause he's a stunning Violinist.

Days went by , and I growed older. I STILL HATE PIANO !

HAHA ;) Just kidding. Nope I don't hate piano , in fact , I love piano more and more !! :D You can't hate that instrument if you wanna learn it well.So I found my ways to Love it , and now I really do love piano :D

Although , yes the chances of performing piano in an Orchestra stands only... a little percentage but who cares ? Piano is still outstanding , it still has its unique key sounds , its not that easy to play , it required lots of skills to play , it also represent most of the greatest musician back from the long long history till now. Want me to name them ? LOL Piano can be classical , can be modenize.

DJ Nujabes and Freetempo as well as OKAWARI uses Piano for his music , Beethoven and Chopin created lots of great masterpieces through Piano , Maksim was an internationally known Pianist for his remarkable piano skills , Evgeny Kissin , YUN DI LI , Richard Clayderman etc etc all Outstanding Pianist ~ JAZZ BOSSA NOVA PUNK ROCK POP R@B also requires Piano

All of these shows how important a Piano is for composing any kinds of great music.Piano is everywhere ! Everyone Loves Piano. Piano is so Internationally known and I dare to say that without Piano , it will be a great lost for everyone not only for Musicians in terms of Music.

Piano sounds great.That's the most simple reason why everyone loves it ;)

I started to learned the fact that every Instrument owns its attractive sides.

LOL , Still remember myself playing trumpet during primary days.The feeling was Indeed , BRAVO !!  I wanted to try Clarinet for my next ;) ~~

I love music , so I always get the passion to learn every different kinds of Instruments Including chinese instrumental. ( KUN KUN !! TEACH ME !! ) 

I had a friend , Woah he was so fond with Classical Musics until everything about him relates to that. He can even name out all those great musician's name , from which century , their background , their masterpieces and composing , and when did they died. Walao yeah ~ The whole day I was with him non stop chatting everything ! Everything about CLASSICAL MUSIC.

He got hundreds of Classical music CD'S Collection ( I don't know now maybe thousands :P ) And he even... often dressed himself with coat.He's a Violionist and a Pianist by the way. Is my pleasure to be his friend. :D He is taking music courses ( as everyone predicted ) right now in UK , LONDON ROYAL ACADEMY OF MUSIC. ( Yes yes Gerard is you no doubt )

Though my dream of proceeding my studies In a Music School and performing on stage can't be full fill at the end. ( Sorry Gerard can't fullfill my promise to proceed our music dreams together with you :(  I do hope I will get the chance to see you on stage performing your very own concert someday :D Pray for you. )

But I would NEVER EVER give up in music no matter what circumstances I'm facing ( woah ! 0_o )  

Music is my soul , as well as my passion. ;)

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Return to hands of God Almighty

Today is Sunday.

Finally I returned myself back to Jesus Christ after a deep fall.I could never think of anything else that would really wash away all my sins and forgive every of my mistake except my Father In Heaven.He is the only one that I could really seek for help and repent after all of the mistake and faults that I had done to Him.I disobey Him for once again , and turned myself back from Him like how I was being treated lately.But now I choose to seek for Him after I was hurt deeply.Though for how many times I betrayed and totally forget about Him , He still remain there for me , always... never ever thought of betraying me nor leave me...

Our Lord God Almighty is always the greatest Father for us.He will never abandon nor forsake us during our harsh time.

LORD GOD O FATHER IN HEAVEN :

I knew I had make my biggest mistake by eagerly to free myself from your Spiritual Wall Lord Father. I knew , my wish to find for my own freedom had also cost me a big sacrifices.For many times you tried so hard to protect me and gave me hints on the danger that I will about to face if I stray myself away from you , but my Egoistic and Selfish characters disobey your will and your order , I always find ways to climb out from your Spiritual Wall , and cause myself being influence by the dark world out there.I don't want to live a life as you told me to , and I was so naive to convince myself that without you I will still walk a better life , I can still survive In a way I want to , I can still create the stories which I always dream of , I can still get the pleasure I want to have. I refused to follow your teaching and your rules, and I am so arrogant to think that I CAN BE WHO I WANT TO BE without your rules , without your teaching.

I hated the way you teach me , and your rules seems so old fashion to me. I found myself stepping in a world which I thought it seems more modernize and realistic , and it also symbolize the freedom and luxurious life which I always wanted to have.

Lust , Alcohol , drugs , cigarettes , parties , clubbing , swearing , complicated immature relationships living a life which I don't even know what's the truth meaning of it. I thought all these are just normal living for humans , is ridiculous if I restricted myself to not follow and involve myself into all these...

But I never knew.. that my thoughts had been fully controlled by the Devil.

I destroyed my own Wisdom that you gave by choosing the wrong path.I am a weak lamb , disappeared and ran away from the Shepherd for the sake of fun and freedom.I never knew about all the dangers out there , I never realize that the Devils are always finding ways to destroy we Christian as a Son and Daughter of Lord Jesus Christ.

That is the reason why you build the Spiritual Wall for us Lord Father,for purpose.

But we fools never seems to take notice about your afford.

I felt so ashamed of meeting you once more after what I had done.I thought Holy Father wouldn't want such a sinful Daughter like me.But I was wrong , cause I failed to realize that once again , you are giving me another chance to repent myself , to woke up from the mistake , to alert myself that I am walking back to my past again.

This time , you choose to learn me another lesson by sending another Human to test me.Let me discover that I am not as strong and smart as I thought I were before.I am still weak,and naive,I wasn't alert with what's happening and I never listen to my own self concious as well as remembering all the teaching you taught me,easily controlled by the Devils.

Lord... Right now.. I just hope to come back again , cause this time.. I finally manage to realize that how Important are you to me.How ungrateful I am to you before this,asking everything from you without giving you a return.Your request for me are just simple , that's being faithful to you , obey you , follow your teaching and always appreciate what you had gave me. But I failed to fullfill your wishes eventhough I know those are the things that I can manage to fullfill If I want to.I choose not to care and still ask for more from you.I am a reckless Daughter and I always failed your teaching.

And now , after the lesson you had taught me , I finally realize and understand how you feel.I was blind folded before this and now I'm finally awake from the nightmare.

Wash away all my sin O Lord and Once again , Let me serve you with all my will.

Forgive the one who had hurt me deeply , He doesn't know what is He doing.I shall not hate him because I do not want to bring any hatred when I'm Infront of you.My mind should be clean and pure, so that I can be a good example to others for you O Lord.Change him O Lord , like how you change me.I believe he still owns a good nature , but he had been confused and controlled by the Devil like me.I knew he was struggling , help him O Lord and Bless this child who was once belongs to you.Lead him into the right path without letting him straying away from your Spiritual Wall again.In Jesus Mighty name , I prayed , Amen.

I can only say that , we both are too young.Very Impulsive and never consider about the consequences that might occur.We are both selfish , always asking for more from each other.
We are generally the same kind of person but with different request and Intention.

We both are equally Ego and Self Center , never wanting to sacrifice too much on each other.Yet we wanted to change each other.Our view is totally different , you want me to be outstanding on the physical and outter part,on the other hand , I need you to be superb on the Inner soul part.When you can't fullfill my request,I pik Chek. When I can't fullfill your request , you felt disappointed with me.

But the difference is , I do madly In love with you before.But you mistaken your love for me.You don't love me , you're just curious about me , you found me different because I dare to approach you more than the other girl does.You found me special because I am the only girl who dares to talk to you , pointed out all your mistakes.You want to know why , and discover what is it all about me.But you never know, I had been approaching all kinds of people before,you are not the only one who I dare to do so.Then you started to create your own view about me , by creating those view , you began to put those own creation onto me and make a false presumption on me.But when you discovered the truth that I am different from the girl that you you always wished for all this while,you began to feel disappointed,then you ran away for the very first time.

But I had tide you back,you seen me cried when you told me that your feeling towards me had lost a bit.You pity me,dare not to end up with me,your self - concious had told you to try this relationship once again,and then you did.

But... things gone differently.Everything just change since from the very first time we met, not getting nicer , but getting worse.Obviously , you had shown your tiredness into our relationship.You don't want to make any afford on maintaining the Love between us anymore.Because,you really did lost your feelings for me.Unfortunately,I don't.My feelings for you are increasing day by day while yours are decreasing.I refused to end this so fast , I paid all my afford to get your attention back,but you never realize and notice that.Because you really don't care anymore.

Not only you,I found myself falling In Love with a guy which I don't think suits me at all.For me , you had transformed Into another person which I can't even seems to recognize anymore,honestly,sometimes I did felt disgust and annoyed with you.One of the reason I kept hold on to you without letting you go mostly is because, I couldn't accept the fact that,you don't love me anymore,you always showed your unwillingness to be with me and never gave me the respect I that want to have.You had made a lot of careless mistake into our relationship by purpose as well as abandoning all those promises.I felt so embarrased and humiliated to be treated this way.

I felt angry for it,thus,I refused to obey everything you want me to do and I began to fight back.I started to show my unsatisfaction towards your attitude,I argued with you,for several times just to test how important I am to you and was hoping that you will persuade me to stay.

But you never had any intention to do that.Unlike how you did to me for the very first time.

I started to feel the fakeness In you , I cried and struggle for so many times.But whenever I pick out the calls from you,my heart melts.I told myself again,hold on to you,pay more determination Into our relationship,have faith and believe in you cause maybe you don't love me as much as I did but you do love me somehow,soon you will sure understand my Love for you.

But I had paid a big price just to have your heart back.

For you,is just nothing.But for me,that's my dignity.The only thing that symbolize my value and prices.Is not that simply and simple.I know what you want,but pardon me,I don't think you are the guy that I can walk together with till the rest of my life.Because at the end, I discovered  your real Intention and If I continue to trap myself Into your request, I will loose everything.Is like a big investment to me.

That is why you started to ran away from me again for the second time.I knew it all along.Eventhough you deny it,eventhough you create thousands of lies to convinced me.Eventhough you tried to defenced yourself,I still knew what you are thinking. 

You can just walk away like nothing ever happen before,then start another new life,find another new one,but not for me.Whatever it is I still paid my full heart and soul for you,you want to count that ? I can say at least 80 percent on me has been given to you.

I just at least hope that you can tell me the truth.But it seems that I don't even deserve to hear the truth from you.

Actually, I already know the truth , but I could never accept that because when I choose to believe in you , I will believe In you till the rest of my life.I am that stubborn enough until no one can grab my trust for you except you yourself.Though you ran away for days and never called me for days I still convinced myself to believe you again and again,though you never picked up my calls and told me that you need time to think which is the same lame excuses those jerks will always gave , I still believe in your words.Though after we broke up , you still never had any intention to persuade me back and make me wonder you really don't miss me at all ? I still believe you have your own reason.

Silly me huh ? Yeah , I am silly just for you.But not again for now.Never again. 

Haiz... I just hope you won't repeat the same thing to the next girl again because that isn't really a right thing to do so,towards a girl.Please,at least,pay a full respect eventhough when you don't love her,tell her the truth stop delaying her time and continue using her then run away just like that.

At least respect her as one of those who you love before. Ok ? Gentlemen ?

We both are brought together due to misunderstanding and separate due to understanding each other well.

My friends bet that I will need 3 months to get rid of him from my mind but I had proved them wrong , I used only a month of time.And that cost me a lot,a lot.

Lord,Thanks for everything.This story shall end from here.

PSALM 30

 ¹ I will exalt you, O LORD,
       for you lifted me out of the depths
       and did not let my enemies gloat over me.

 ² O LORD my God, I called to you for help
       and you healed me.

 ³ O LORD, you brought me up from the grave  ;
       you spared me from going down into the pit.

 ⁴ Sing to the LORD, you saints of his;
       praise his holy name.

 ⁵ For his anger lasts only a moment,
       but his favor lasts a lifetime;
       weeping may remain for a night,
       but rejoicing comes in the morning.

 ⁶ When I felt secure, I said,
       "I will never be shaken."

 ⁷ O LORD, when you favored me,
       you made my mountain ^[c] stand firm;
       but when you hid your face,
       I was dismayed.

 ⁸ To you, O LORD, I called;
       to the Lord I cried for mercy:

 ⁹ "What gain is there in my destruction, ^[d]
       in my going down into the pit?
       Will the dust praise you?
       Will it proclaim your faithfulness?

 ¹⁰ Hear, O LORD, and be merciful to me;
       O LORD, be my help."

 ¹¹ You turned my wailing into dancing;
       you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,

 ¹² that my heart may sing to you and not be silent.
       O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever.

( Thanks Isaiah Di Di ;) )

 

 
       

Putting down rather than Giving up. THANKS TO YOU

 

If , today is your most painful day of all , tomorrow would certainly be better than today.Leave those depressing thoughts , go on , continue your journey , you shall find a better ways to relief your sadness and sorrow.

 

" If people do not yield to grief , excessive grief will soon end up on their own." - Shakespear , from the book of Hamlet.

When you feel pain , seek it as the lowest point in life , so long as to encourage yourself to continue surviving , and stand the pain , life would have been another round of the picture.

 

If you think happiness is short , then I assure you that the pain is equally short lived. Believe that sadness could be short as well.

 

What you have to do , is to put those sadness down rather than giving up the sadness you had.

 

There is once , a girl from a secondary school decided to commit suicide after failling her exams. She climbed up towards the top floor of 10 multi-floor platform, hovering on the platform edge , weeping. Some pedestrian found her Intention to kill herself , couldn't help but screamed in horror.

 

That girl's face looks rather pale.Sitting on the top floor, she dimly heard the sharp whistling sound from the police's cars.But she remained unconcerned about her surroundings , nothing could caught her attention anymore.

 

Several policemen then rushed out from the elevator. That girl looked back , and shouted " Do not come near me or else I'll jump ! "

 

One of the officers stopped the footsteps of his colleagues. Slowly bend his head down and went near the girl. The police then said it in a calm tone : " A few days ago I tried to be like you, sitting on the other buildings across the platform, decided to jump down as well. " He continued to talked while slowly moved along towards the wall and sat besides the girl, Imitating her posture.

 

" You may not believe , I thought of dying as well. " He said. " My wife couldn't stand my job which causes fear for her everyday. She ran away together with the kids and all of my properties. Last week , the Personnel Distribution Command Awarded down the promotions seats , and I was not included for the promotion. For over 10 years I had worked as a policeman , but still remain as a basic police officers.Life is so meaningless to me." he continued.   

 

He speak in a very frustrated tone , the girl then remain silence , quietly listened to his whining.

 

" That is the most tragic moment in my life , I really don't felt like living anymore. " By covering his own face with his both hands , he then burst down into tears.

 

The girl felt pity for him , tried to comfort him with all her will " Please don't cry , if you think right now is your most tragic moment , your future can't be worst than this." she said.

 

" How about you ? You must be feeling very sad , or else you wouldn't make the decision to commit suicide aren't you ? If you could get through this period , you future can't be worst than this. " The police officer tried to encouraged her once again.

 

At the end, the girl slowly moved down from the platform , walked away with the policeman.

 

This story , Inspired me alot.Especially with what I had been through these days.

 

"You need a greater courage to suffer than to accept death." - Napoleon

  

That's so true. You need a greater courage and determination to get out from being suffer.

It is not difficult to die.But once you dead , it will then result in the suffering of their loved ones forever. You build your own liberations into someone's pain.. do you think it is the right thing to do so ?

 

Some people would never understand how is it feel to be the one who suffer for other's happiness. They always kept this selfishness in their heart , as long as they are happy , they wouldn't bother about those who are suffering for their stupidity attitude.

 

Well I had met one , and thanks to him, I knew how silly and dumb I used to be.Thanks to him , for treating me as a nothing , I finally found my value back all by myself.Thanks to him,for his heartless and coldness, I never knew I had such a strong will to survive and continue my life as usual.Thanks to him , for giving me all those fake promises , I finally realized that promises without any actions can never be trusted. Thanks to him , I finally knew how valuable my friends and family are. Thanks to him , I finally learned not to fall in love that easily again.Thanks to him , for his childishness and egoistic characters, I finally understood the criteria of a mature guy should own , and what is the real meaning of a true love Is. Thanks to him , I woke up once again , knew that I should balance my life , and always stays alert.Knew that I should trained myself into a better person before I asked for something good , knew that I should be proud of myself because I am someone better than I thought. I found all my confidence back , and that is because I keep telling myself , that I am great , I can improve and be better , no one will ever break me down before me.And I will never felt guilty and regret , because I really did paid 100 percent feelings on you , being loyal to you , love you with all my heart , I even cried for you , happy for you , and care for you. But unfortunately , you choose not to appreciate and pay any afford on me , I can say nothing about this.I don't wanna force you to love me , nor making you feel annoy with me.I will choose to back off for the sake of your freedom and happiness.And this will be the last thing I did for you.

 

Once again , I forgive you.   

 

Without you , I can still survive. Although we both never end up In a good ways , but I will still remember the good things that happened between both of us , on how you first cherish and treasure me which makes me felt like a princess for real.Though I still do not know the reason why you lost feelings for me after a short period of cherishing me and why you always ran away and evade from me when problems occured between us.But I still choose to see the good side of you and remember all those happy moments we had.I appreciate that very well.

 

My life still needs to continue isn't it ? I will not say that my wound had been 100 percent healed. But I strongly believe that someday it will. ( Still, ha , is my first love,and it didn't gone smooth as I predicted , even worse than I thought )  And because I said so , I will sure execute this.

 

Each person's life are likely to have experience a low ebb through moments , but if you choose to end it right now , you will always remain and stay in the same low ebb. Continue your jouney , you will find a different outcome.   

 

Think about it , there are thousands and millions of people around the world facing alot more tragedies than you , they still live and survive though their life are like shits, do you , or do we even deserve to choose not to live ?

 

If today is your most tragic moments of all , tomorrow will sure be better than today. Only by putting down those depressing thoughts , walked through it and continue your journey , you will sure find the best way to relief the pain that lies unto you.

 

 

Japanese style Living room

My dream house. Simple and nice. Japanese living style ! :D I aim this , I aim this !!

Respect.

The matter of whether you like it or not , is a very subjective kind of feelings.

Everyone is different , everyone owns different thoughts.

It is difficult to define someone's likes or dislike.

One has the right to choose whether to like or dislike a thing. You can choose your own hobbies , that won't be a problem at all. No one can grab your rights to decide that.

But , we must not let them to affect others.

What you like , is your own business to decide. But by choosing what you like might causes distress to other people , still , is a fact.

Is like depriving other's right to choose what they like nor dislike.

Everyone's preferences are different.

Therefore , we should respect other's preferences as well in order to get the respect we need. 

Although we may not always own the respect we wanted. But at least , more than you thought.

Only by respecting each other needs , a better interaction will then exist between humans.