我的心情碎碎念。

最近心情很糟糕。不，应该那样说，我每一天的心情都是糟糕的。一天里，总会有几次焦虑不安的情绪出现，随之就会心情不好，看什么事都不顺眼，做任何事也不顺心，就连别人对我说的话也听不进去。曾经试着寻找出问题的所在，却还是搞不懂自己究竟是为了什么而那么的焦虑不安。或许，这是我的习惯？

最令我感到抱歉的人，我想应该是我小弟吧。有这么一个臭脾气，对任何事情都爱打包不平的姐姐，又挑三挑四的，他都给忍下来了。无可置疑，他的脾气就是那么好，难听点来说，就是他对人情世故并不在乎，我想无论外边的人发生了什么事，他总是可以若无其事的说“算啦~ 没关系啦~ 生气也没用的吗~ 不要理他啦~”。看到我开始骂人的时候，就会冒出一句 “姐姐你很凶” 然后扮无辜。（笑） 我有一个很可爱的弟弟。

对于他这样的态度，有时真让我受不了，讨厌他的不了解，讨厌他冷眼旁观。既使已经被欺负到极点，他也不会在乎，而我呢？会比他更在乎，帮他出头，为了他碰订。一旦脾气来的时侯，就会冷他几句“你连你自己都不会保护，还有谁能帮你啊？真的很受不了你 ！” 接下来我想你们都该猜到了？他就是静静~~ 这样不出声。并不是因为，他怕了我所以不出声，而是因为他很明白自己不需要对任何人做出任何解释。他是聪明的，我是愚蠢的。或许在他眼中是吧，但我自己并不认为，每个人都会有自己的看法，观点以及观念都不同，看你个人想不想变成你想像中那样，好不好由你自己决定，没所谓的准则。说真的，打死我也不想变成像他那样，我很满意现在的自己， 我们两个人的性格就是那样的不相同，那样的对立。要我对人与人之间的事情抱着不理的态度，真的做不到。或许，从小到大，这才是真正的我吧。这样很好啊，有个平衡点是好的，可能这就是上帝对我们姐弟俩的安排。

习惯了生气，习惯了打包不平，习惯了要求完美，习惯了独处，习惯了情绪化要求高。偶尔看到爸妈留的碗碟没洗会生一时的闷气，不开心。看到地上肮脏想起爸又要把我给骂会发小姐脾气。偶尔会觉得头晕心情不好却不想睡觉。偶尔也会不懂自己到底是为了什么而生气，只知道想生气。也不明白自己到底是为了什么而但心，却只会但心，忧虑。会有一段时期爱玩电脑，有一段时期讨厌它。有时会离开朋友以及家人自己独处，听音乐，不想说话。但有时却会想起他们，想见见他们。有时很爱寂寞，有时很厌恶它。过了这些之后，我又会疯疯颠颠的，开开心心的继续活下去。讨厌虚伪的人，却茅盾的应合他们，自己也变得有点虚伪，之后就再也不见面，也从不给理由为什么。骄傲的心态，认为自己一个人也可以过得很好，心中暗处却渴望遇见知音人。换来换去，就是我的Character。当然并不是说我很有 个性，很独特什么之类的，只想告诉你，这才是真正的我。

我发脾气从来都不会告诉别人原因。因为我很希望别人能够猜到那原因是什么，就好像我时常猜别人那样。很可惜，换来的，却只有失望以及误会。因为鲜少会有人，会去反省以及觉悟自己究竟做错过什么惹你生气，会花那么多时间去猜你到底在生什么气。（除非你是美女或帅哥）他们会认为你这种情况可能是心情不好，家庭的事还是Bla bla bla 而影响到你生闷气。再来呢，就会对你这种性格很反感，很讨厌。变成你不是好人，他们才是。其实，他们并不了解，你要的，只不过是一个简单的对不起。世人就是那样，总爱把原先简单的事情给复杂化，自己也何尝不是呢？

（笑）我Esther也不是很多人喜欢巴了！我相信现在外边还会有人对我的性格摇摇头 （笑） ~ 不过，别人对我的评语，我并不在乎。 以前说的“不在乎” 是为了让自己自卑的心好过点而说出来的，现在的不在乎，是真正的不在乎。以前会因为一个人对自己突起而来的批评而焦急得到处问人究竟自己是不是别人所说的那样。当然，你往往都不会听到你想要的答案，听不到自己想知道的答案之后，就会很讨厌身边的朋友原来是那样的不了解自己。是的，往往你认为A的东西，在别人看上去却是B，你没办法改变些什么，即使你解释了，结局有可能还是一样。你越在乎，你就会越累。

每个人的看法真的大大不同，你可以坚持自己对自己的某些看法，别人也可以。你怨他们不了解你，他们也可以怨你不了解他们。缺点还是忧点真的不再重要，重要的是，你了解你自己吗？了解了，就是了。我们并不是为了别人对自己的眼光而活在这世界上的，没伤害到别人的缺点，你大可以不必改，让它忠于自己，成为最真的你，接受它，让它属于你的。难道说这世界上所有的人对你的想法以及批评你都应当去在乎？那你岂不是会疯掉？要知道，有些人是因为看不顺眼你而直批评你，即使你做到最好了，他们还是会有话要说。这类人的话你大可以不必在乎，他们只不过是想释放自己心中对你的怨恨才这么说你，看到你生气，他们才会心安，开口闭口都是ＢＵＬＬＳＨＩＴ，帮不了多少。而有些人呢，并不会乱乱的批评你，相反的，他们只会针对你做事的手法或者你某些不应当的性格而告诉你事实的真相。这些人的话，如果真让你觉得服了，你确实是错了，那你大可以听，听完了之后你改不改是你本身的问题，大家还是朋友，并没有特意排坼你或者对你感到不满意的事情发生，才是真正值得交的朋友。这类人，懂得什么是尊重，什么是包容，不单不会不顾及你感受而只顾自己讲到爽不爽，且还会给你适当的意见，通常都会帮到你很多，让你更进一步的了解你自己而并非责怪你自己。所以，要懂得分辨以及拿捏什么是气话什么是真正的意见，才是最重要的学问。

或者最近我都爱躲在家里面吧，没听到任何对自己的评语，只有爸妈的咯~ 什么爱躲在家啊不出门啊~ 老姑婆啊~很没用啊～脾气坏啊情绪化啊～　就只有这样而已。我不知道，接下来的我听到任何对自己的评语之后会怎样，但我深信我已经懂得分辨气话以及意见了，这无疑是一种好处，是气话的话～　我只有学小弟那招-Silent is the weapon.不需要回应这种ＢＵＬＬＳＨＩＴ的人，他们可以从头到尾都在Ｔｅａｓｅ你，并不是真正为你好，不需在乎这些废材。是好的意见以及批评的话，我一定铭记在心，考虑考虑。人总是要进步的，有批评才会有进步这是无可置疑的，但切记要懂得用在适当的地方。别人对我不解的看法，我不会在乎也不会过问，因为我已经懂得接受自己最真的一面。你觉得我很符和你的条件的话，我们就是ＦＲＩＥＮＤ。你觉得不符合的话呢，就ＨＡＩ　ＨＡＩ　ＢＹＥ　ＢＹＥ，那么简单。

不过，我还是很爱了解以及探索我身边的人，并不为什么，只希望自己可以成为他们心目中倾诉的对像，让他们知道其实，他们并不寂寞；还会有人想听听你们说话的。因为，在现今社会里，每个人都ｐｒｅｆｅｒ忙自己的事，很少人会真正的听你说话了。肯听你诉说的人，也未必会懂得要怎么安慰你。难不成你喜欢那些像木头人那样坐着听你诉说心事，连ｏｈ都不ｏｈ一声的人？( 我弟弟　ＸＤ ) 有时，你的一个笑容，都可以融化他人的心，那么话就不必多说了。当然，并不是所有人都会像你一样懂这个道理，所以　～　对世人的这种渴望，我早已放弃了。心情不好，我看书，最好。这种好听来说是艺术家脾气，难听点来说，是臭脾气不懂得控制情绪的我，是最好的方法。我也知道自己的性格不好的啦~ 偶尔让人不舒服，所以当我心情很差很差的时候，我都会走开一阵子，避免自己难看的一面释放出来，这样一来别人也不会怨什么，我呢还可以忠于自己，不是很好吗？做人对得起自己良心，对自己的心态坦诚，顶天立地，追寻目标，有修养就够了，不需想太多。

UNTITLED

There are times where I was quite upset with this World on how shallow minded a human could be ? By turning all the black into white , and changing the FALSE >> TRUE ? I wonder.How these people could just live like that without feeling any guilt in their heart ? Fight for their faultiness without realizing that they can actually hurt everybody else with that attitude.Maybe , I think , I was just another faultfinder which I myself who probably couldn't accept and would never , ever , wanted to have a glance for the darkness that falls into human's mind and soul.I ran away and try to seek for the best place where there is no selfishness , jealousy , or any other terrible ,darker mindset.I was week,and tired while trying to search for the best answer.I couldn't just let go like that , I always try so hard to change their thoughts but.. at the end I knew I can't and was over confidence with my ability to change others thoughts...I knew I wasn't qualify to do that.I couldn't change these people , so I choose not to, then I started to ran away and closed my own door , hide myself away from these terrible human because of my aren't willing heart to face all these dirtiness in human beings itself.I just couldn't tolerate with them for I knew what they said was obviously wrong.They tried to convince me that they was right all the time with their so called FACTS and FUTURE THOUGHTS.NO ! I will never be like them, I refused to follow the environment which they had create to false the truths.I DISLIKE THEM.

AND That's what I'm doing now , running away. When will you ever learn Esther ? To accept others thoughts but not influence by them ? To face the darkness in this world with courage and never fear of the disadvantages it brought ? To stand up and show people that you can be different from them and hold on to yourself without running away and let them think that you are afraid yet you are wrong ? Prove to them that you can't be wrong and most importantly PROVE IT TO YOURSELF.

I guess it doesn't matter right now whether it is Right or Wrong.Because what matters , is you Esther you ! You need to change. You need to know how this world truly works and not how this world function as you thought it should be.There are thousands and millions and billions of cases around the world where you can find injustice , irresponsible act , selfishness and ungratefulness people and if you continues finding faults and disadvantages in these cases , you are only seeking for disappointment.This is the fact that would never change.You need to know that you can't change the world as it is not in your hand to hold,but you can change yourself.Seek things further, and stop being disappointed.They are the one who should learn not you,they have their own life and destiny, so don't ever punish yourself for the faults that they've done.Forgive them , helping yourself to let go of the person who ever disappoint you before.Free yourself,enjoy your life and smile whenever someone reject your opinion even though there are times where obviously you are right about one thing.Everyone has different personality, you wouldn't lose any by letting them go on with their life with their own personal character.If they refuse to seek for your help , then you'll just step back.Just help those people who truly needed you.Because your only purpose , is to help others people who truly needs your help. Remember your TARGET, leave others.

Hanne Hukkelberg - Little Things

 

Name:
Hanne Hukkelberg

Born:
April 1979

From:
Kongsberg, Norway

Background:
Started singing and playing instruments at the age of 3. Throughout her youth and musical education, she was a vocalist in various constallations, covering genres like jazz, rock, metal and free-jazz.

Have been singing in:

- Kongsberg Pikekor

- Infusion

- Unspoken Names

- Ola Calmeyer og Hanne Hukkelberg Duo

- Clay

- Funeral

- Haze

- NOSAM

- Grydeland/ Hukkelberg Duo

- Ignore

- John&Thomas

Instruments:
Vocal, drums, piano and guitars.

Education:
Cand.mag. from The Norwegian Academy of Music, Oslo.

Debutalbum:
«Little Things»
Norwegian version, march 2004
International version, june 2005

Previous releases:
«Cast Anchor EP»
Norwegian version, november 2003
International version, may 2005

Genre:
Windswept eccentric pop meets dusty jazz?

Musicians:
From Jaga Jazzist, Kaada, Shining and Exploding Plastix.

Producer:
Kåre Chr. Vestrheim

Record label:
Nettwerk, Propeller Recordings and The Leaf Label

Distribution:
Sony Music

Blood From A Stone is the third album by Norwegian artist Hanne Hukkelberg. In part inspired by her past as a member of various rock and metal bands (especially their live incarnations) and in part by her 80’s dominated collection of indie/rock albums, Hanne acknowledges that the likes of Sonic Youth, Cocteau Twins, Pixies, Einstüerzende Neubauten and P.J. Harvey have all exerted an influence over her new songs, while one can also detect traces of Siouxsie & The Banshees at their most oblique and many other new wave/post punk outfits.

Read more »

Disney 1953 Football (Now and Then) RECOMMANDED !

LOL Dude this is funny , listen to the narrator and look at the actions , I have watched it for over three times and I'm still laughing, especially the advertisement that comes out of no where ! XD is so funny hell ! XD

Disney's All the Cats Join In (1946)

LOL I LOVE THE 50'S ! The Jazz was marvelous !Here's a Disney's short Music Jazz Animation.

Melody Time - Trees - Mélodie Cocktail - Arbre

If you did ask me , which year or century of cartoons that you are fond with ? I will certainly say mostly are from the 20's till the 90's.Why? Couldn't tell much using just words.Try seeing it yourself,then you may understand why.I always love them,always.Is all about musical,and is the music together with the lovely drawing without using too much of high technical sketching and computers instead , they presented the high originality of all these wonderful cartoons.I was fond of them till now,probably is because they are natural and very musical.

     

There's poetry in trees, they say ; and well, one day a poet found it. and then a music master wove around it melody. An artist touched it ; gave it form in colors rich and warm. Now we bring to you these three ; poem, picture, melody. A simple tribute to a tree.

I think that I shall never see
A poem lovely as a tree
A tree whose hungry mouth is pressed
Against the earth's sweet flowing breast
A tree that looks at God all day
And lifts her leafy arms to pray.

A tree that may in summer wear
A nest of robins in her hair
Upon whose bosom snow has lain
Who intimately lives with rain
Poems are made by fools like me
But only God can make a tree.

Vivaldi - Nisi Dominus "Beatus Vir-Gloria Patri" Scholl

Antonio Vivaldi
Nisi Dominus, RV 608

"VI. Beatus Vir" (Andante)
"VII. Gloria Patri" (Larghetto)

Beatus Vir:

Beatus vir qui implevit
desiderium suum ex ipsis:
Non confundeturcum loquetur inimicis suis in porta.

Blessed is the man who has fulfilled
his longing by them:
He shall not be perplexed
when he speaks
to his enemies at the gate.

Gloria Patri:

Gloria Patri, et Filio,
et Spiritui Sancto.

Glory be to the Father, and to the Son,
and to the Holy Ghost