ASIGNMENT ~~ ASIGNMENT ~~ ASIGNMENT ~~ LIFE LIFE LIFE ~~~~~~~

I can say that I almost spend my whole day in study room , running for my assignments like mad.

+ ACCOUNTS
+ ENGLISH
+ ARTS
+ PUBLIC SPEAKING
+ COMPUTER STUDIES

ARGGG !!!!!!!! Everyone was mad during the time in study room. Jia yi was panic and lost , YIN ZHI walk around like a bunny ~ Yang yang even did the account assignment during computer studies ( why didn't get Fish by Teacher ah ?? ) Laptop is everywhere ~~ everytime ~~ We didn't took our breakfast anyway and ~ then ~ we ordered Mc D ! xD

Man I need to released my tension anyway ~ Accounts is making me sick , Jia Yi and Yin Zhi was panic , especially Jia yi wah ~~~ so mad for what ~ ? Cool down ~ is ok ~  just an assignment seh ~  so I asked them to calm down their mind while waiting for the food to come cause when we starve like shit , we couldn't even thought of anything else but the food.

So then I asked IN RU who was with the guitar , came into study , and play some songs for me. He did. He played songs which are sad and ~ soothing. Whenever his hand touches the strings , woah ~~ wonderful music just came out from his guitar ~~ how was that , my mind was a total mess just a while ago, right now , i felt... released.

Oh yeah I still remember a chinese songs which attracted me this morning , on the half way round towards my campus. I wasn't really fond into chinese songs by the way, but funny thing is that how this chinese songs could just stucked into my mind ever since I listened to it. I asked IN RU to plays it , but  unfortunately without any lyrics... is really a nice song to sing. ^^ I love the meaning of it. Sounds like me. My life , my everything. Bravo for Mayday   ~ ;)

You are not truly happy 你不是真正的快樂 by Mayday

人群中 哭著 你只想變成透明的顏色
你再也不會夢 或痛 或心動了
你已經決定了 你已經決定了

in the midst of people
you wished you were invisible.
you are not going to feel hurt
yes, you won't ; yes, you won't

你 靜靜 忍著 緊緊把昨天在拳心握著
而回憶越是甜 就是 越傷人了
越是在 手心留下 密密麻麻 深深淺淺 的刀割

you simply exist quietly,
while yesterday is still clenched in your fist
the sweeter the memory,
the more hurt it inflicts;
the harder you squeeze,
the more it bleeds.

你不是真正的快樂 你的笑只是你穿的保護色
你決定不恨了 也決定不愛了
把你的靈魂關在永遠鎖上的軀殼

you are not truly happy ;
your smile is just a masquerade
you've learnt not to love;
and you've learnt not to hate
your soul has been locked
behind an eternal gate.

這 世界 笑了 於是妳合群的一起笑了
當生存是規則 不是 你的選擇
於是妳 含著眼淚 飄飄盪盪 跌跌撞撞 的走著

the world is laughing;
and so you laugh along with it
because you know it's the survival of the fit.
you hold back your tears and topsy-turvily
you remain on your feet.

你不是真正的快樂 你的笑只是你穿的保護色
你決定不恨了 也決定不愛了
把你的靈魂關在永遠鎖上的軀殼

you are not truly happy ;
your smile is just a masquerade
you've learnt not to love;
and you've learnt not to hate
your soul has been locked
behind an eternal gate.

你不是真正的快樂 你的傷從不肯完全的癒合
我站在你左側 卻像隔著銀河
難道就真的抱著遺憾一直到老了 然後才後悔著

you are not truly happy ;
your wounds have not healed fully
i'm standing by your side,
but you're on another galaxy.
are you really going to live
the rest of your life like this?

你值得真正的快樂 你應該脫下你穿的保護色
為什麼失去了 還要被懲罰呢
能不能就讓 悲傷全部 結束在此刻 重新開始活著

you deserve to be truly happy ;
you should come out from your shell
for all that you've lost,
why are you still torturing yourself?
why don't you put a stop to all misery,
and start to live really well~

IN RU ~~~ Tomorrow ~~ SP CORNER YEAH ~ With your Guitar ~ ^^

Life could be harsh sometimes , but whatever it is , I am strong enough to handle the consequences that happens to me. Because , I am non other than THE QUEEN OF ESTHER ( Man what the ~~ xD !! )

I have something to say.

" Esther , I have something to tell " someone behind the phone told me this when I picked up the call.

I heard something today. Something really makes me laugh.

Now I wasn't going to tell you guys what have I heard today.Because the whole story is full of lies and bullshit.I was wondering how could such person live among us,and yet didn't get fucked by anyone?
I doubt.I know that a lot of people hates you , but just they wouldn't tell out. Not because they are afraid to tell , but because they are lazy to tell you , and another thing is , you will never listen to them , so why wasting the time out of nothing ?

If you ask me , why , I never confronted you ? Why I hide it instead ? Isn't it I am always the one who dares to tell out everything when I don't feel satisfied with it ? Why am I a hypocrite ?
LOL Sweety , I can only answer you.. You just don't know me well yet.

I will not explain every truth about me , I will keep it instead. But the most important , I would rather say , the reason why I didn't burst out every of your NEGATIVE ATTITUDE ( LISTEN : IS NEGATIVE ATTITUDE NOT POSITIVE )  infront of you , is because

YOU AREN'T IMPORTANT TO ME AT ALL.

For me , if you want me to argue with you , criticize you everyday , yeah I can ~ no problem I am the profession in this.But I just choose not to. Reason ? Don't want la , lazy. Moreover , who are you ? To argue with me ? You don't even deserve to listen to my words. My life is full of passion and dreams , my life is great is brilliant , now why would I let someone like you to influence my life ? Even if we both finish arguing , it won't effect any of my daily life right ? I can still live on my own , live happily ever after , I don't care ~ I don't care if I have to face you everyday , I don't care if I still have to open my precious mouth to talk to you again , I don't care at all ~~ sayang ~~ not everyone owns the time like you lying and cheating to everyone ok ? I still have my own important stuff to do so why drag my attention to you ? Even if my eyes get contact with you , I can still look up to the celling to the sky ~ Better than looking at you cheh.

You thought you are smart by manipulating all the stories and yet we still don't know the truth , you smile and laugh  behind. Ha ha ha ha ha ~~~ see your pattern also I will laughed like hell ~ cause you let your so called smartest brain control and confused yourself.You really think we doesn't know the truth behind of everything you've said ? We refused to speak out doesn't mean we don't know anything ok ? Genius ~ ^^

You still don't know me well.I will not waste my time on people who are not important to me.

I will forgive you. 'Cause In my self - dictionary

--- >> enemy = friends

--->> Forgiveness = means releasing yourself from the people whom you hate. Make yourself comfortable.Do not be angry of the mistakes that others did.Because it isn't your fault.Those people should be angry and torture not you.You can choose not to talk to them , not to see them again.There aren't rules set for the name Forgiveness.Do not let them control your feelings , you should control your own feelings instead.

MY LAST ADVICE FOR YOU SUPER GENIUS ~

Humans between Humans are equal , if you do not trust anyone , you betray others , then you shall not expect others to have good faith in you.

I will still treat you as friend.Not because I am a hypocrite , but is because I have my rights to choose for a better life , better ways to solve my own problems.I don't choose the only dead path.

So don't ask me why , I didn't confronted you.

The answer is in you. Just seek for yourself.

bad day ~ CAUSE YOU HAD A BAD DAY !!

TODAY , Is a BAD DAY.

Came to school early in the morning , having a happy moment together with IN RU in SP corner. He brought a guitar , we both singing like nobody's business , a guy stood up and clap his hands then said >> YOU HAVE FUTURE ! BRAVO !

=.=/// we never expected that to happen , we just wanted to sing a song that's all.

But is really comforting... the fan in SP corner , the environment with a guitar ~ Man IN RU is a music GENIUS ! The Master of Guitar ! xD Cool ! I love him ! ;) lol IN RU , someday I assure you , you will achieve your own career in music ! :D JIA YOU !

Oh oh ! Before that , never forget to mentioned about the crush ~~ that I had :P While walking to SP corner , I saw him ! xD again !! He's walking towards me , with a bag , then I was stunned a little , cause never expected meeting him early in the morning , so I said HI to him ~ and he looked at me , smiling at me ! xD  his cute face ~ argg ! xD And when he smile xD he will bend his head down a little ~ awww ~ xD ( man oh man boy oh boy girl oh girl control yourself esther )

OK !! Another things that pissed me off like shit !

The stupid TOILET AUNTIE AH BU NEH NEH ~ she scolded me ! ! ! FUCK YOU LAH , BAD MOOD ALSO DOESN'T NEED TO SCOLD PEOPLE EVERYWHERE MAH ! DIAO NI !

USELESS AUNTIE : NAK TENGOK CERMIN PERGI AMBIL CERMIN ITU KELUAR ! PERGI !

ME : APE ? SEKARANG SIAPA NAK TENGOK CERMIN !? PERGI TANDAS TAK BOLEH KE ?

USELESS AUNTIE : @##*#@&*#%&*#$

=.=''' SOH HAI

ah ~ don't care ~ whatever la ~ NGOI !!!! DIAO NI !!! If you are not an old auntie , I will shoot you gao gao d. Now this people are always taking advantages on others , thought we won't dare to fight back , eh ~ pls lah ~ I'm from serdang ok !? A PLACE WHERE THOSE SEAFOOD BORN ( Don't understand the meaning ? ASK ME ! ) I don't dare to fight back !? But I respect you, so I don't want to make a fuss out of it, and another thing is I don't want to lower down myself into the same class like you ~ cause you ! Don't deserve to argue with me ! End of the story hello and bye bye. CheH ~ CIPLAK HUMAN

Then ~

THE KING HAS ARRIVED ! * Trumpets everywhere* :P lol , he's a senior from my school , he came to school and have lunch with me although I didn't eat anything , but we sat in PD , everyone was looking at him my friends were obssesed with him , including the sexiest guy in our class ~~ KUN KUN ~

KUN KUN : HEY LENG CHAI ~~ Can you speak chinese ?

When I tend to say no for him , SUDDENLY

TOM KING : *hundreds of mandarin words came out from his precious mouth* ( =.= I forgot what he said lol )

I WAS STUNNED FOR A WHILE

Now what the heck !? He said he doesn't know chinese ! ? What is he talking just now !? YOU LIAR !!!! KILL KILL KILL !!!

Nevermind , he got his punishment after all those lies xD KUN KUN ~~~ COME COME ~~ KISS HIM ~ ! ! GRAB HIM AND HUG HIM AH ~~~

Now the third incident that happens to me today , is the most incredible incidents of all ~ ~

Is about our ART ASSIGNMENT

One member from our group doesn't show up anything yet , while we really need to present the art work and the dateline will be next week. We are kinda panic then , so we choosed the other picture by Eduardo Manet to present ~ mane tau itu mata ah ~ got problem wor , the girl inside is a bartender or a waitress but I say is a strip dancer ( cause she wear quite low , badan cantik lagi ) , she stand sexy sexy and facing infront , then I thought she's serving beer lo ~ then the middle of her... er... milk balls xD still got a bunch of flowers wor , oh , then I said , is the tips which custormers ( those ham sap de ) suck into her milk balls de lor xD

When I finish the whole thing...

Danielle face was like =.='''  I thought.. is a bartender ?

Ishii : wei , the middle one is flower lah ~ not tips

me : haiz., your eyes got problem la , is tips...

Ishii : *looking at the screen to make sure she's clear* WEI ! NO LAH , FLOWER LA !

ME : *Realizing that , that so called tips by me ~ it is actually a flower xD... but still* TIPS LAH ! IS TIPS
!! IS A BUNCH OF MONEY BEING SUCKED INTO HER BREAST LAH ! ( Man go away ishii go eat shit go go go ! )

but she still insisted that was actually a flower... =.=''' fuck you eat shit ! You ruined my world ! rape you !! muahahahahahah

But the truth is... my mind too dirty. SORRY YEAH :P

At the end , there's something happen between our conversation with the lecture Danielle, she misunderstood us , then we felt offended by her words , so we defend ourselves by telling her many things which happens in our group. I won't finish the whole story cause is too long and I am very tired typing here but still I finish my blog , I am very professional leh ~~ ;)

So , when I was really angry with the lecturer as well as one of our team member ~ I received message from that team member.

LA LA : WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING !? WHAT DID YOU TOLD DANIELLE ?

ME : What did you know ? What do you want to know ?

LA LA : I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE HELL YOU TOLD HER

ME : You knew it already right ? So I don't need to tell you that much , wasting my time.

Then the argued happen , she called me...

LALA : @##%&@#*&#@*@# !!!!

ME : You calm down first ~ Let me explain ~~

LALA : @#%&@#*&@$&*@# !!!!!!!!!

ME : Calm down first ~~~~ calm ~~~~ listen to me first ~~~~

LALA : @#@$&*&%*@&#(@*&%*&#*@&#*@&*#&* !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ME : ...... *speechless =.=* never seen her like that
 
ALL OF A SUDDEN

ME : CALM DOWN AH !!! SCREAM LAN AH SCREAM !? !!! SCREAM WHAT !? SCREAM !? CAN SOLVE PROBLEM MEH !! ?

QUIET...

BUT LATER ! She scream at me again then I shouted at her back we both are like Zombies , competing which voice are better and nicer ~

After the scream and shouts , she cut my phone and I refused to talk. The driver beside me was shock , looking at me like Frog. ( lol what was that ? :P ) She send me message to continue the debate session with me,then I send her back thousands of shitty message which I already forgot what did I send this afternoon.

At night , MSN. She wrote something about me in her PM message. Then I wrote back something about her in my PM message. We both are like kids who doesn't want to lose then keep on debating like nobody's business. She send me message through msn , I blocked her. Then she send me message I diu her.

Until... she called me..

We talked for a while , then we realize that it was actually a misunderstanding. CHEH ! That lecture didn't even told her anything , just remain the mystery behind the closet ( lol actually it is suppose to be skeleton in the closet :P ) then we chated about the problems between us both , I told her I am glad that she called me and talked about this , she said she has the faults too for not telling us anything, and I told her I have it too because I never asked her about the real situation. I was just guessing all the time.At the end , we both laughed.

SEE ? FRIENDS ^^ that's what we called ^^ YAY !

PEACE BABE PEACE ^_^V

ARHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!

I don't know why ~~ and why ~~~ and why ~~

Why this happen to me ? T.T I ain't came to UTAR for this man ! arggg !!

Sometimes , I really do think that my life , is funny. Funny enough for me to say ~ HELLO ! ? ARE YOU NUTS !? FUCK OFF HEY !!

--------------------------------------->

This morning , I went to school as usual. In the study room , Jia yi asked me to accompany her for a while cause she needs to place those books back to her own car. While we both are leaving the PE block and headed to the parking slot. He ~ I mentioned about him earlier in my previous post ~

HE ~~
HE ~~~

that guy , a very cute guy which I doesn't know why am I that fond with him , walking straight towards my opposite direction. WHAT THE FUCK !? WHY NOW !? I DON'T SEEN HIM ALL THE TIME ! NEVER ONCE IN THE MORNING WALKING STRAIGHT TOWARDS MY POSITION !? ( calm down es )

So , what I did ? In No Choice , I will have to hide myself immediately behind Jia Yi's precious car , and pretending that I was talking to her , Jia Yi was curious about my act on why am I that afraid of him ? Well in fact , that was a good question Jia yi , YOU KNOW WHY !? I'll TELL YOU WHY !! ASK THE CLASS RAPE !! CHEH !! I will not make any statement on that , my words are clear in here, any one of you who are curious about the why , just ask the Class rape. Is embarassed enough for me really , I never wanted to face him anymore.

Alright , so after he just walked away. I quickly headed forward to the study room. I just wanted to lock myself into the study room and never wanted to bump into him again. Oh please don't let me blush in the little happy morning , I couldn't stand this man ! I wanted peace ! ARRGGGG WOFT WOFT !

then guess what happen ?

HE CAME IN !!! HE !! CAME !!! IN !!!!!!!

When I saw his face again in the study room , I was like WHAT , THE , FUCK. =.=''' ( in my heart la of course) WaH ~ I buy TOTO also didn't spot that target accurately , but when it comes  to this matter you let me spot that lah har  ~ ? GOD !? SWEET LORD !? I DON'T EVEN WANT THAT ! ARGG ! 

Gosh....D, You know ? He sat not far away from my opposite direction. I couldn't even concentrate when I wanted to start my own studies. Shadow kept saying , haiz Esther concentrate la ~ You see XXXXX so concentrate but you cannot. ( THAT'S BECAUSE HE DOESN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DISTRACT HIS ATTENTION !!! UNDERSTAND !? SHADOW THE SHALLOW !? ) 

Then , I try not to let my over , passionate feelings control my mind , so I started to chat with my friends , Angela came in with a bunch of POP TEEN Magazine and began to talked about make ups and lip gloss ( those girly girly stuff la ) , and I just involved into her conversation although I knew my distraction was still on him... I couldn't stop myself glancing at his face,he looks so cute and peaceful and calm sitting there concentrating on his notes , and the most importantly , he looks serious and I love it.

OK ~~ OK ~~ I AM HORNY ALRIGHT ? I STALKED HIM ! BUT WHO DOESN'T WHEN YOU LIKE SOMEONE ? HAR? AND I DON'T REALLY HAVE ANY CHANCE USUALLY JUST TO LOOK AT HIM (except in the lecture room la ~ , but that's hard enough for me , now i have the box to undercover myself wor )   ~ SO I TOOK THE CHANCE RIGHT NOW OK ? CHEH ~

Since there's an incident happened before , I never really talked to him right then.Hardly even a HI. ( although I never speak to him last time :P )  Usually when his friends are talking to me , I will dare to look at him and say Hi or Bye when they wanted to leave, and I dare myself to look at him while greeting him. But right now, I always had a phobia whenever he appear infront or just walking besides somewhere near me , I will just stay aside and avoid myself from him ( but never forget to have a few glances at him lol ) by walking away or pretend that I was talking to my friends and didn't really notice him.

I knew I was stupid for doing this but I just couldn't really control myself whenever he walks by.

BACK TO THE STORY - After for a while , he left study room. ( Maybe we are too noisy and he can't even concentrate so then he left ) But while during in the LECTURE'S ROOM. This is classic , is like a drama man.

Our table was place accordingly , in a vertical ways. So I was sitting on the second role , which is the last table. It was sticked near to the wall. Is kinda lazy for me to just walk into my place cause my friend are all sitting on the outside , so what I did ? I bend myself down under the table and climb through the floor , when I reach the first role and tend to stand up , I saw him. Walking towards my place again , sigh.... WHY ALL THESE HAPPENED TODAY !!? WHAT THE HEAVEN IS HAPPENING !?

I stood up immediately and was wondering if he seen my embarassing yet stupid action just now !? My face are blushing , and I was in a shock ( oh please , My blood presure has increase these days ~~~ noooo ~~~ ) I can't even react properly , and JS , she still said something like this " hey come on climb to the second role again la ~ " ( FUCK YOU =.= ) I refused to do that , yet I can feel the heatness in ma body. My friends noticed on that case , then they all together facing behind and saw him putting his bag on the chair behind my role , that means he was sitting behind me. ~ HE WAS SITTING BEHIND ! ME !!

OH MY GOODNESS !! NO WAY MAN !!!! THIS NEVER HAPPEN BEFORE !! HUH HUH T.T

The worse is , my friends still laughed at me ,and purposely went away and abandone me leaving only me and him on the roles between , they thought this is funny aren't they ? I was blushing like hell I felt like hiding into some places which I could never be found !!!! Arggg !!
 
Whispering sounda started to appear , I can assure you that the whole TB1 knew I HAD A CRUSH ON HIM. Selina and Ishii who sat behind him , showing me some funny yet teasy faces , kept whispering his name purposely infront of me. ( They still send me his phone number right on the spot =.= ) My face was all red , I really can feel the heat , and my heart was beating like shit. I couldn't even thought of anything else but >> XXXXX is sitting behind me.... XXXXX is sitting behind me... , and I almost forgot to hand out the books which he asked me to photostat for him.But in the end I did hand out to him , cause that's the only thing which mades me looks like a normal person instead of being a blushing retarded infront of him.

" ERRR , XXXXX ah ~ This is the accounting books that you and your friend wants... " ( man what is that kinda voice !? My voice are different !!! Change your stupid voice esther !! )

" Oh , You hold this money first " and kept looking behind , searching for his friend,holding his wallet. ( see ? I remember everything about him , his reaction and stuff like that , I am done right now , really dead ) 

" Oh.. ok ^^ haha ^^ ~ " ( STOP THAT FUCKING FACE ! ARG ! )
 
Then he paid me 50 Bucks , so I will need to pay him... ARGGG !? What's on my mind !? I can't even do a simple math !! STOP BEATING ESTHER !! ARGGG !! ( but yay ~ I own his 50 bucks , he holds it ! :P xD !!)

When I totally figure it out that it was 12 bucks total for the change, he went away to his friend and handed out the book to him. Then for no reason ( maybe there are reason ) He shifted away to the back roles. T.T... SAD....

Kinda sad but... I suddenly felt released and lifted !! I felt better when he gone, my breath and heartbeat has turned into normal... woah ~ Did you see that ? I have phobia with him ! I will felt uneasy with myself whenever he was there ~ maybe I was lack of confident with myself and wouldn't want him to see any of my embarassing yet shameful side of my... I feel uncomfortable to let him discover my disadvantages... I mean who wants that ?

ahhhh ~~ Help me yeah ~~ I didn't came to UTAR for this ~~ huh huh ~~~ why this happen !?
I promise myself to not have crush or any falling in love again happen to me when I came to UTAR. I wanted to maintain this for years !! But I have only maintain it for a year T.T...

HATE IT HATE IT !! ARGGG ! WHY I LIKE HIM ! ?

And I knew he dislike me neither ? I don't know... but who wants an ugly keep glancing at you like nobody's business ? I know he knew I was stalking him for several times...and after my BELOVED CLASS RAPE did that , I m sure he was convinced with the fact that I like him ~ and I stalked him for several times. ( maybe everyday xD ! )

Guys.. I just don't want him to feel disgusting. That's why I didn't ask for anything even his phone number.. No one likes a stalker maniac ~ and a stupiak sha po T.T

but whatever it is , thanks to my friend , yarding , carmen , jia yi , shadow , jin shan , mei yun , angela who always cheer me up. I just receive my problem yesterday and I share it with them , they willing to help me with my problems which I had never experienced before. I can say that they are one nicest bunch of guys , which I had never met before.. Because you guys are nice , that's the reason why I don't want to burden you guys with my problems.. I will face it myself. But thanks for supporting me, and yarding your drawing was great , it really touches my heart ... :)

I will show it on my blog later ^^

and I love you carmen for saying those touching words. I love you ^^

Thanks shadow for sending my a lovely picture :) I love you ^^

and finally , thanks la ~ to Selina and Ishii ~ for the sake of that number ~~ I know you guys purposely took it for me la ~ thanks la ~~ but don't need to send it infront of him mah =.= but whatever it is , I felt happy cause this is the first time I share my crush with the whole class.

I really love you guys !! ^^ muaks !!

Louise my louise ~ Our TB1 member forever ! and Ever !!

Haiz....haiz......haiz..... HAIZ.... HAIZ!!!!

Today ! Is a sad day.

I was wondering actually .... since how long we did spend out time in UTAR the No Choice Uni ?

It feels like ... it feels like... it feels like for months ! '

Everything did happened within this few weeks and now is only the week 6. Things gone quickly... SOOO QUICKLY ~

Friendship was build , deeply. Enemies became friends. I have a cute and adorable DI DI , ISAIAH.

ARGUMENT ~ ALOT LO ~ But has been solved just no longer earlier.

Is this just the start of our UNI life ? Honestly I love this but hey , don't you think is a little bit too fast ? I haven't even digest yet... It was like WOAH ! Hang on man ! I never really experience this before.. Is really nice. I can say it was God's Will to put my into TB1. The greatest stream B class ever. Even people from other stream are being influenced by us and would like to hang out with our TB1 gang.

We have the crazies people in our class , The most quiet people in our class, the most talented people in our class , the artistic , the musicians , as well as the great performers. I can say , compared to my secondary, this is the best class which I would consider putting the first place in my own ratings.

But the sad news today, came along within this few happy weeks. Louise... SHE IS GOING TO LEAVE after one month of foundation studies.

Louise... a special name which I would never forget.The first time I saw her , I think she's pretty and cute. I love her name , not much people own this name , Louise. I guessed she's a Scorpio , and yet she is ( I am brilliant ). But unfortunately , I don't have much contact with her cause I have my own gang , which I think is enough for me. I never really thought of having a great relationship with all the students in my class cause is kinda impossible for me. I am glad to have a few bunch of great personality friends that time and never asked for more. That's why I didn't take any notice on her. I do dislike her for some while because for me , she's kinda EGO. The way she look at people was like >> I DON'T KNOW YOU.And another reason is because there happen some misunderstanding between me and her gang. So I never decided to introduce myself to her or what so ever. It Is so unecessary for me to do that , that's what I thought about that time.

Until , I knew her better , that day , through msn. We chated for the first time , she introduced me a funny show performed by two indian comedians. That was the time when I knew , hey ~ she likes these types of comedy show as well. So I introduced her mine as well. And our relationship went really well , not great , but nicer than before ^^ at least we talk and making fun of each other. ^^ how nice ^^.

But... that didn't lasted for a long time.When I get to know her better , it was also the same time where she decided to leave our class , leave TB1. It was only week 6 , and she will have to leave for her health condition.. and might come back to UTAR again next year for another year of foundation courses.. but just doesn't know if she would met someone crazy and united like us again next year...I wish her the best . I just want to say ...Louise ... I LOVE YOU !!!! T.T

幼稚与成熟？

曾经，我认为自己的思想很成熟。

我爱说服人家，都听我的。因为， 我认为，都听我的准没错。就因我有天生的领导能力？就因为我很独立？
其他人对我来说，都是一无事处，都很需要我去为他们铺路。所以，我奋不顾身的，去帮他们。

可到头来，我什么都没得到，帮人也没帮多少，还处处被人讨厌，被人厌倦。为什么？（笑）原因很简单。

根本都没人叫你帮忙！你管什么管呀你！！？　鸡婆！！！

我得到的，就是这样子的回应，当然并不是每个人都给我脸色看，也有人选择比较好的方式。如何？

避开我咯～　（更惨）

自此，我开始讨厌人类。认为，人类是恶毒的，不敢靠近。人类是黑暗的，必须时时防备。我自认自己比谁都还要成熟，至少，我不会不珍惜别人所为我做的一切。我很成熟，可你们却很幼稚。

曾经有一段时间，我没朋友。心中的困苦，没人知。为什么？因为我从不分享我的点点滴滴。

我可以在别人面前喜喜哈哈的笑，在别人面前搞怪，失形像。也可以在回到家的同时，把自己给锁住，在房间里头偷偷的流泪，痛哭，耍脾气，乱丢东西。

我喜欢我的房间。

因为，只有在关着门独自一个人的那一杀哪，我才可以成为真正的我。

多年来，我一直都是这样子过生活的。从不打算改变。

我讨厌全世界的人！是他们导致我这样的！我恨他们！包括我爸妈！

却不知道，其实自己的性格命运，并不活在别人的掌控之中。

直到有一天。。。

我渐渐的明白自己无知的执拙为身边的人沾了无数的麻烦，当然，也为自己沾了些不必要的麻烦。

我放不下的是，我的尊严，我无聊的尊严。

我放不下的是，我的恨，我心中的恨。

而我更放不下的是，一个不肯改变的自己。

原来，我不曾给自己机会去相信别人对我的好。

一切都是由我的思想而开始。

是我选择了不相信，是我选择了宁可相信这世界是黑暗的，也不愿意相信这世界是美好的，也是我选择了封闭自己的世界，不让任何人触碰它。

我想快乐，却从不给自己找一个快乐的机会。

原来，我一直都在帮别人做选择，都在帮别人决定他们的人生。

难怪拉！！！　酱自已为是！！！！！

是的，我很自已为是。对不起咯 ~~

酱不成熟达！？幼稚！！！！

是的。。。我很幼稚。。。但是。。

没幼稚过又怎样变成熟哦！！？？？你以为天生就是成熟脑啊！！？？？酱顺摊！？

所以呢～千万别看小幼稚脑袋的人，可能日后他会比你更成熟呢～你永远都不知道滴～～

当然，并不是说每个人都一定要经过childish process 的~

那到要看你的生长环境啊～头脑吸收程度啊～内在美啊～～

很多来看的～～　加油啦哈～　啊妈支持呀～～