Men , hard to be understood.

Rain… falls gently.

I’ve sat in the bus for hours. Thinking about her story, thinking about my story.

I had an appointment with my former class mate today , is pretty surprising that she still remember  me. I thought after form 6 we both might just lost contact with each other but , nah. She still called me out for movies and teas, lunch. Is nice to meet her back again.

Compare to the last time , she didn’t change much on her appearance. The only thing that makes me felt different about her is her attitude and characters. She did some changes on that. The KY I know, is someone who keep talking like hell , bullshitting like hell , quarrel with me like hell. I thought we both are going to brought back all the usual things we did from the past again after meeting each other today , but again another surprise. Nope. The KY now , is someone who speak after she thinks.

After the movies , we have a walk. We pass through an alcohol shop, without any further thinking , she stop me and ask me to accompany her for some vodka. I was stunned , for the love of my God I had never seen her paying any interest in alcoholics stuff before but right now she is asking me to go in there with her ?

KY : You are good at picking beers or vodka right ? Help me.

Me : …. I thought you never wanted to drink like me?

KY : Well , I feel like drinking right now.

Me : Now , tell me. What happen ?

KY : Why ? Is it very surprising for you that I actually drinks ?

Me : No , is very surprising for me that you have change yourself within just a year.

KY : Why is that surprising ? Human change all the time.

Me : But for you  , it did surprise me. You will never change unless something happens.

KY : HAHA ! XD

Yeah , I was right about that. With that kind of stubborn mind ? Is Impossible for me that she could change that fast.

  Me : Why ? Feel tired ?

KY : You mean mental or physical ?

 

 Me : LOL don’t ask silly question , sure I mean mental.

KY : Yeah. Just want to release out through this.

Me : I am sure you ask me out today for a talk about your problems right ?

KY : Not really , just feel like seeing you. Because truly, I have no one else to find but you.

Me : In that case, If you really wanted to drink , I suggest you don’t find for only 5% of alcohol lo ~ Because not worth it and not shok enough kaka ~ Here , with your level I think Special Brew’s 8% of alcohol sure make you gao gao xD

She talked about how her family treated her like she’s a nobody. How did she end up her last relationship. How did she failed so much on her applies for entering the next University , and how did she struggle so long for her dreams. 

She had grown up in this violence family where her dad never treated her mom well , and her mom cried always , her parents keep arguing and her mom always involves her in between. Her siblings whom are older than her never pay any responsibilities on taking care of her family instead she has to pay half of her salary to take care of this broken family. She always told me that if she couldn’t find anybody else to love her in this family , she shall find someone else to love her out there. But unfortunately, the tragedy of the previous generation's marriage seems to have mounted her, her love was not to smooth.

KY : When he broke up with me , wah ~ the situation lagi terrible than my dad goes drunk and beat people lor. Scary... and Odd. 

She stayed together with him for years. They both fell in love for several years , only then she discover her bad , irritable temper , and his gentle for her has decrease … they both are like normal roommates. She felt lazy to care for him, and he did not utter a word at all. Then one day he discovered that she was determined leave, and he began to try to grab her back.

Then one day , when she went back to his place after several days of “ cold war “ , she started to feel awkward when she opened the apartment’s door. The messy living room had been cleaned up. Some beautiful candles with fire were placed accordingly. Bed which full of roses ~ And this guy even cooked dinner for her.

All of the sudden he had change into a different man, different person for her. While her status has transformed into a Queen rather than just a normal roommate. But she doesn’t felt surprise at all , because she doesn’t love him anymore.At the end , she shifted out from his place and never go back again. Of course , he wouldn’t understand why.

When gentle involves into a fading love , it will lost its effectiveness to recover anything that is needed to be recover. Only when love is still breathing, the lover's tenderness and compromises are useful. A variety of gentle , If there are any reluctance barely hidden inside , it would be meaningless and unbearable. 

KY : “After all these years , there are so many things happened. I felt deeply disappointed with him. I have nothing else to say but just left away.”

The bus is cold , but the smell of your body never fades.I found the type of brand for your deodorant in Jusco today , and I sprayed some on my palm. Which reminds me of your smell.

KY stories kept repeating in my mind. I was afraid , that someday , I might felt deeply disappointed to you as well.I don’t want that to happen.

Now the smell on my hand has gone. Will you gone away like it did as well ? I .. pray it wouldn’t happen.

I am so tired…

The only question that running in my mind is..

Do you love me ? Or… the person you love the most , is you ? 

 

 

Women , ties for the men.

Rain season is approching. So is pretty cold out there , especially the time where I need to rush myself back to Serdang from KL Central.Usually when I feel cold and tired , I will stop for a while at those Cafe in KL central.Don't care whether which cafe is it , as long as there is hot tea and coffee for me lol.

I really love the feelings of gloomy and rainy day.Although is cold , but it feels nice.I love rain , because it gives me a sense of security. Whenever I felt unsecure , the sounds of this nature elements will warm my heart.I often miss the rainy scene in KL city especially for night view.

Entered the restaurant off her thick coat, that is the time when beautiful body figure,soft fabric and lightweight gesture appear infront of all people, isn't it all woman's most desired posture?

My friend and I sat down, the first point is to have a glass of hot drinks to warm up our body, ready to move forward to the dazzling array of dining table.Suddenly, we saw a man and a woman hugged forward into the cafe, they have intimate smile, two people almost stick together.I am always fond with women , especially beautiful and hot,sexy women.When I saw her , I guess I wasn't only the one , the whole cafe of people was looking at the woman beside the man , no , it is not only a man and a woman, more correctly described as a man who wear a clear cool suit, and a near-naked woman.

Young slender woman, with the heavy makeup, she wore a short low-waist Lederhosen waste often can only cover half of the buttocks, while wearing a tight-fitting T-shirt, such as a sequined bra fitted, her shoulder and whole arms are naked, even the back is naked, I look at a rough count, her fabrics, only less than one-tenth of the body.

She claimed all man's vision, and have snatched all woman's attention. I secretly felt amazed  a with her beautiful pairs of leg , so smooth , so nice ~ wah ~~ After having a drink of her hot coffee , my friend said to herself : " my god , aren't this girl afraid of cold ? Wear this for sick ah ? "

LOL

Because the buffet meal must be to the front of the stage to access the food, therefore,the beautiful woman continued to stand up and move forward, serve the man for salad, sashimi, steak, roast chicken and so on.And when everytime the beautiful woman stands up

Everytime when that woman went to the dining table and turn , other women will automatically stay away from her but all the guys will have no intention to close near her.Clearly, I can noticed that man is very proud of her own woman ,having to wear a crown and sparkles among the crowd. Every time when the woman leave her seat, that man will be smiling as he traced his woman's figure, while stroking with his tie.

All of the sudden , my friend ask me once more

YAP :" Do you really think that this guy loves his woman ? "

ME :" I don't know..."

But my friend seems really convinced with her own answer and said : " I think he don't love her at all lor."

ME :" Now how did you assure that ? "

YAP : " If that guy really love her oh ~ sure he won't let his own girlfried walking around wearing something like that ? So .... expose.If I am her boyfriend , I sure felt jealous , and wouldn't let her wear like that."

ME : "Perhaps, a woman is a man's tie."

I was stunned that time when I split this word out of my mouth , without even thought about it clearly.But then I gradually realized that for men, the tie and women really are a similar thing.

Men most commonly used for decorations, marked out his goods directly with the aesthetics, is the tie. In the relations between the sexes, men choose women, the vast majority of value rather than the connotation of appearance.

" I find girlfriend oh ~ Must pretty one ~ beautiful one ~ hot one "

" Who wants a fat girl to be my girlfriend ? Don't want lah ! I rather find a beautiful one better ~~ "

" EEEE so ugly !! Don't spoilt my taste ok !? Wah !! neh neh you see that one lah , lagi beautiful !! that's the type I want ~~~ !! "

" Not pretty , I don't want. "

" Wah I want to change my girlfriend in that ! yay ! "


That's what I heard from the men's side usually. 

Because ? Women are also part of the men's decorations.

With a glamorous woman goes out, who can attract others attention, or the enviousness of all eyes, how proud and vain. But, when the tie is no longer new, no longer bright, the closet is the only place where the tie are kept for years without letting it out again.

I had enough

 

"...可能在我左右 你才追求孤独的自由...

有时候有时候 ~ 我会相信一切有尽头 ~

相聚离开都有时候 没有什么会永垂不朽 可是我有时候 宁愿选择留恋不放手..."

Recently , I was fond with this song , again. The lyrics and the music , the R@b vocalist all together make a perfect match. Thanks to Khalil Fang who brought back one of the most famous compose before this , to everyone's memories.

Most importantly , it perfectly describe my feelings.The music sounds remarkable.

^_^V







Honestly , I felt deperess lately. Everything seems not right to me.

Even when I tried to arrange everything , and figure it out ways to solve it.I have no idea where to start.

*Sigh*

I really can sense something's not right.

I started to change , I guess.

Did I Improve ? Or ... regress ?

What should I do ? ...

Tell me. Help me.

my past.. is repeating again.And is getting worse.

I really need some rest. To calm my mind.






 ~ ~ ~

Exams is in the corner. It left me no choice but to concentrate on my exams , my first priority for now. The only thing which can show me my purpose of living is my own success and career.

No matter how depress , how sad I am , I promise myself to show my best as well as my professionality. Because I aim to survive for a long term.

I should stand up. And give my best shot for everything.

I will not allow any mistakes repeating again and again.

Because I had enough.

With people who are selfish ,people who are inconciderate ,people who are weak

people who Implicate others for their own benefits and feeling.

STOP IT , OK ?

T.T Please.

Haiz... Where is the JUSTICE ?

 

Lol , here I am again starting to talk crap in my blog.

I started to talk crap because there are a lot of unsatisfactory in my heart.Which I couldn't accept in just a short while. I need time to digest everything that happens.I need to complain just to release my tention and create a calm mind for myself. Blog , is the best place to complain every unsatisfied thoughts of mine. I know that's not the main purpose of the blog but I want it to be the main purpose of my blog. So I don't care.

This morning , I came to school attending the revision class for econ. After then I decided to find Ms. Melissa for the talk and guess what ? She's on leave today.LOL Who's the one who said , " tomorrow I will give you a complete answer after I discuss with the Responsible ones.I promise. "

cheh.

Whatever. Then you know who she send to meet us ? That malay girl and I don't even know her name or who is she.

You know what she said when I stated out the problem that occur ?

" That's why ~ We stress you guys to use the recommanded timetable ~ if you still wanted to use your own timetable , we can't force right ? you are an adult now you have to bear the consequences if you wanted to make your own decision "

......

Now ... can anyone of you please tell me... WHAT - THE - HELL - IS - SHE - TALKING - ABOUT ?

BULL SHIT !!

Axcuse me axcuse me Ms Lady brown ! Did you realize that almost every UTAR student did not use your so called recommanded timetable ? How do you expect that about 1000++ student will use your recommanded timetable !? And if they do not use your timetable , they use their own timetable instead , then how are we ? The bunch of student who ought to use your timetable will grab the place we wanted ? Cause there isn't any priviledge at all stated that students who uses the recomanded timetable will have better reserving slots. NO !! We still have to grab like mad shit using that baria computer which is good for nothing !! Don't be so SOH HAI OK !? What the hell are you talking about man ? Does she even realize that !?

Aiyo yo ~~~~ Talking with people who are stubborn enough to listen , is hard. It makes you wanna strangle yourself till dead. You rather die than seeing them. CHEH ! PIK CHEK !! 

Now what ? WAIT LOH ~ SHE SAID WAIT WOR ~ WAIT AGAIN ~~

T.T JIA LAK LAH !!

 

 

PIK CHEK

 

PIK CHEK TODAY !!

BULLSHIT UXXX CHANGE SYSTEM FOR NOTHING !!

NOW MY BULLSHIT TIMETABLE CAME OUT LIKE SHIT !!

LOOK AT THIS !!!


  
Wakao !! Three Lecture class all together in Friday !! My ear are going to burst like hell !!

Then ? Came to school on Thursday just for an one hour Tutorial class !? Do you know how long is the distance from my house to my school !?

Tuesday all Tutorial !? Wah !!! My homework have to rush like shit loh !?

Friday Writing for Business tutorial and Lecture all together ... ARGGGG !!!

Then why don't let me fit in Thursday morning !? WHY !? WHY SAY TIME CLASHING WHILE IT IS NOT !?

The funny thing is , about the so called recommanded timetable. She said till so yeng that recommanded timetable is been recommanded because it has more priority than student who choose their own timetable. But now you see , what the fish ? Although it is a recommanded timetable , but you still have to book and reserve the place right !? Where got privilege for those who choose the recommanded timetable!? It is still the same right !? You can grab it then you grab you can't grab it then bye bye. Cheh !! 

The most importantly.. I have to stay until 4 to 5 o clock almost everyday ... T.T so damn late.

Haiz....

This is so unfair... How can they created such a stupiak system for us ? Can't they realize that the time will be clash between each classes and this causes us to actually choose classes randomly just for the sake of fitting ourselves in ? ( I mean for those who can't grab the first come first serve place )

In ru lagi teruk , Langsung tak boleh fit in ! All clashing !!

How can they abandone the possibilities that we as students whom are late for the registration will may not be able to choose the right classes for the right time!? At least don't let it clash lah ! But see what happen then !? The fact is , IT DID !

And what's with the " First come first serve " thing yeah !? Wei , you think now pasar malam sell vegetables is it ? All student must grab like hell then the Utar department laughing like aunties looking at us students competing with each other rampas computer lab rampas the timetable !?

There are more !! Specially for you Uxxx !! Did I pay you 6000 something for fixing my own timetable !? Did I pay you ! 6000 something so that you can see how am I going to compete with other student just to reserve my place , my class like a mad shit !? Your facilities already aren't that good enough compared with other Private U , ok that I have nothing to say because I came Uxxx for the sake of you are the cheapest , as well as NO CHOICE. But then don't tell me , that you guys can't even handle the timetable thing for us ok !? If you guys can't even fix a timetable , fix the whole system , then I pay you money for what ? I pay you for being a pig is it ? TELL ME !!!

Now ! TB1 have to separate for the sake of you guys ! T.T SAD....

The whole day , we discussed , we sat infront of the computer , some haven't eaten yet. Just for the sake of that timetable thingy. We tried our very best to be together as one , but still sorry TB1... I guess it left us no choice but to separate with each other... we have only been together for three months... but our relationship is getting better... and better. Why you have to separate us Uxxx ? WHY ? TELL ME WHY !?

We pik Chek , we argued , we confused. We even confronted Ms.Melissa. But we knew she can't help us for anything.

But tomorrow !!! You'll see !!! We still need to try our very best , to confront her once again !! Not for TB1 Class , Not for any selfish reason !! But is for the sake of JUSTICE !!! Some student can't even choose the right time , and can't be able to fit in the class , the slots that remain is all bullshit slots !! and it is proven !! AND WE ARE NOW TALKING ABOUT INDIVIDUAL !!

Now any one of you , had the exact same problem which I stated out above there , just print out the timetable and write down your problems. Give it to me , I will help you. AH chung the next obama, Isaiah , Adrian , In ru , Yinfy , Jia Yi , Susanna and to those who wanna come support us. Please wear black shirt. We shall MOGOK !! MUAHAHAHAHAH !!!

Uxxx ! You are dead !!!

 

AT LAST ! UPDATED LOL !

Lol I believe that some of you have seen my latest post ... erm... an empty post just left the title
" Women , an auction for the men ? ". The fact is , I did try to finish that post of mine , but just on the half way round , I accidentally pressed a key which causes the whole thing deleted and disappeared... So hurt ! >.< haiz.... have to rewrite the whole article again , so lazy la ~  but due to no mood for anything anymore... I decided to rewrite it on the other day.

OK ! So... these two days , I felt tired everytime I went home , then I'll go to sleep. I have lots of idea in my mind , but never really got the energy and the time to create another post for my blog. But today , I decided not to be lazy again. muahahah ~ Because some friend of mine asked about my blog... " why haven't update yeah ? " ok ok ~ update now ~ update now ~~

But before this , let me introduce you some songs and music which can be use during your shower time. Now we all know that after having a harsh day , so tired , so exhausting... Pik chek with everything surround you , no matter the people , no matter what kind of problems you have , Shower is the best thing you can do to release your mind and forget about everything that happens. Just that moment , you and your mind came to a place where the world only belongs to you.Of course , shower isn't enough , at least you must have music to complete the whole resting process. Whenever you started to open your tab or shower head or what's so ever ~ I personally introduce you guys these few songs which can really , really , really make your mind PUH ! Then Woah ~~ Wah ~~~ nice ~~~ ^^

Below , is the playlist of those remarkable tracks , Try on ^^ Among them ," Sunrise comes " , " "Beautiful" , " Eros" , " Meant to be " as well as " Rise " is my favourite ^^. There is also another track from Samantha James name Rain , which it couldn't be found on Imeem , I don't know why lol ~ That song is one of the blast.

Trance and House

Now here is the track's cover

 

For those who really loves smooth trance and house music , this two are definitely the right one for ya ~ ^^ I wasn't going to tell you guys how is it all about ~ But instead you have to listen for yourselves ~ so that you can be able to feel the vibe from it ~ lol ~  enjoy guys ~ :D 

I had a great time this few days. Although it is tiring , but is really memorable. There aren't any quarrels and sad stuff happen. Just sweet and happy things happen surround me , and that's a good sign actually ;) At least , I have the peace I want.

The only bad thing is that , Adrian got sick today. And ~ Me , Isaiah di di , Jin Shan , Yar ding , as well as In ru send him to the hospital for a check up today ~ But luckily he seems ok , doesn't look serious lol Now who is the one who said he might be infected H1N1 ? Over lah sia ~ As usual , Hospital University Malaya is a place where it is famous with * WAIT *. You would have to wait after every each of process of yours has finish. You wait and wait and wait until your neck long long , the ringing bell sot sot ~ only , your turn will arrive.

Upon going to tropicana Carefour for Mahjong paper , Adrian couldn't stop making jokes about Michael Jackson by showing his funny movement and stuff like that , he still got the energy to tell funny jokes that means he is still ok loh ~  it makes me laughed like hell man , LOL. Glad to see that he is still ok ~ Ok lah brother ~ Cook Porridge for you tomorrow yeah ^^

Oh , we did discovered something on the day when Angela brought her secondary or primary school magazine for us. We all laughed like mad when Jayne pointed something which is so ~ Unbelievable ~ LOL

 
This is what we discovered 

Does " SHE " looks familiar to you ? OF COURSE LAH !

WEI IN RU ! You look cute too mah when you are a girl , why pretend to be a guy ? Aiya ~ scare kena tipu by guy is it ? Don't need to be scare lah ~ stupiak ~ We will sure help you de ~~ Don't worry ~

xD Now we know his secret ~ LOL skeleton behind the closet ! xD

Today... ~ I went to The Mines with Tom Tom ~ ^^ xD LOL !! At first I thought like lol having dinner with his mom , then I dress nicely ~ But man this guy ah ~ always give me this last minute surprise one oh ~ Suddenly said want dinner together with his mom lah ~ suddenly said , dinner cancel lah ~ go to the mines lah ~ So many Ghost idea. xD beh tahan ~

But nevermind then , We both went to the mines and took a ferry over there. Lol we even kissed infront of that ferry driver ~ we kissed on the bus ~ we kissed in a bookstore ( with that jazzy music ? who won't ? It feels like lounge ! :D )  oh hey and talking about the bookstore I would like to make a promotion for that bookstore which located in cold storage on the second floor although I forgot what is that bookstore name :P ( eh ! Epic fail lah you ! ) But there is only one bookstore in coldstorage. So basically I introduce it to you guys is because

1. Friendly owner who owns a hot chick wife ~ muahahahah ~ He even willing to lend me his Cd which contains of WONDERFUL JAZZ MUSIC !! And is a limited edition of Starbucks soundtrack !!! so nice !!!!!!

2.Great Australian English accent.

3.The " try my best to get the book you wanted " quotes

4.You can also pay slowly for the book you want or make a booking for the book that you are fond with in case you don't have enough cash to pay for it. He will keep that book for you and place a label on the book to shows that it is not available to anyone but you. ( of course that's for the usual customer lah )

5. He is really friendly and nice leh ~ ^^ lol better then you loh :P Tom xD !!!!

Ok back to the topic ,  woah that's bold , but that's what we always did. Kissing infront of others , ok ok I know you guys pik chek already but sorry LOL That's the passion in us xD Power of Love xD

Eeeee ~ So cool when I started to look back the photos I took from him while he is playing with his arcade games. Like I told you before Tom. That gun just match you so well. ;) Looking at you holding the gun , is one of the most amazing thing ever... you looked so serious lol , that's what I like keke ^^

~~ HOU YENG AH ! ! ~~~ xD

After having dinner... he has to go...  we both ended up looking at each other for a very long time while the ferry is going to sent him away from me... If only I can just take that damn ferry and spend another few more minutes with you... But I can't... I am so sorry ... Tom. :(  I promise I will pay back the time where I lost it together with you... for the next moment ... k ? Oh and.. I love the tuna taste on your mouth. xD And most importantly , I love you ;) muaks * Kisses your sweet mouth * LOL

But I don't love you when you once cheated me and tease me loh !! SEREMBAN MOTEL 20 BUCKS ! CHEH ! WHY AM I SO DUMB THAT TIME BELIEVE WHAT YOU SAID AH ? CHEH !! LOVE MAKE ME CRAZY AND DUMB D ! I WAS WORRIED ABOUT YOU SILLY STUPIAK ! HATE YOU !!

~ Sigh ~ LOVE.

Oh and one last thing , if any of you guys are really interested with the music above , just nudge me in msn or send me your hotmail through the chat box beside there. Tell me which song will you like to have. I'll send it to you then. Of course , you can try to search it as well if you REALLY CAN SEARCH IT :P LOL Unless you order online or else don't ever think of having that soundtrack as your collection cause these music track aren't available in Malaysia ~ ^^

Muaks everyone ~ and Good night. Very sleepy lah ~  

LOL ! xD

LOL

Today is damn hella funny. I can't stop laughing when I thought of the whole situation again.

As you all know , I just had my Computer Studies debate session this morning. I do not wish to say you guys did a great job , but rather... You guys did a crazy yet excellant Job !! xD

At first , we were damn nervous this morning , when we saw the first batch held their own speech at the front side of it. We were all scared into death. The worse thing is , Julie our opponents ... showed her calm faces all the time. We lagi tak boleh loh ~ Wah , she seems so confident , we sure die gao gao.

I told my teammates , whatever happen , just shoot , don't care , don't need to care about winning or loosing just have fun.I don't care you guys manipulate the facts or what so ever , just have fun for it , cause shooting people is fun ! xD And most importantly , your confidence as well as your voice's tone.

When is our turn to start the debate , which the topic is related to Blog pros and cons ( we are on the cons side ) Jia Yi stood up like a superwoman , defined and showed all her points with a loud and clear voice ... but I rather said , with a killing people voice loh ~ Wah you can't believe what she did , when she just stood up , using some sort of fierce voice :

JIA YI : I STRONGLY DISAGREE WITH WHAT THE OPPONENTS SAID ! MANY STUDENT misused , MISUSED !! THE BLOG !! BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA ~~~

I was like .... ok... that's really cool , she did pretty well. And because of her confident , dare to confront our ENEMIES with a brave heart , she affected us as well. The whole nervous atmosphere just gone with the wind , and only the heart of a warrior remain in every each of us. ( LOL Like a bloody warrior's story )

So , people tend to shoot me first , alright so I shooted the other supporters back then. But the problem is that , they don't really seem to understand our points and facts. So is really easy for us to shoot back those points. And what I hate about is that , that stupid Yasotha ah ~ very kacau lah ~ Whenever I tend to show up my points a little more she sure

YASOTHA : OK OK ! ENOUGH ! I ~~ WANT ~ THE NEXT TOPIC !

And the funny part is , the opponent side involves msn in it. LOL What the carrot ?

My most Interesting part which Grace loves it ,
AXCUSE ME LADIES ~ WHAT DID YOU SAID ? *Showing some hand movement*

What surprising me was that , LOL YAR DING.

DING : Now how can you be sure that the bla bla bla is the bla bla bla. HOW ARE YOU SURE ? HOW ARE YOU SURE ! YOU TELL ME !!! I WANT THE PROVE !! SHOW THE PROVE !! THE FACTS !!! IMPROVING WRITING SKILLS IS NOT THE MAIN PURPOSE OF A BLOG SHOULD HAVE !!!! YOU DON'T !!!! .....

=.= ... WOAH... I was stunned for some seconds , straying myself away from her a little , and showing a shocking faces. THAT WAS INDEED THE MOST FUNNY DEBATE I EVER SEEN ! WAH UNTIL SCOLD PEOPLE ! xD Now how scary was that man !? xD

And Zhi Yong still said I acted more scary than Yar ding cause I sort of pushing the supporters ? LOL SURE OR NOT ? YAR DING MORE LOH ~~

But hey for the opponents , no offence alright ? Yeah.. we did put a little bit rough tone inside our words but that's because we are nervous , try to released it through our speech. LOL So ~ :P sorry lah har ? xD

And thanks to Adrian as well as Isaiah ~ Thanks for the help ! xD You guys are great xD !

The whole debating session was indeed very funny and " UNIQUE"

This is the best presentation I ever had during this first semester. I guess is because we all unite together as once. ^^

I had a great time with Tom today. :) We are having dinner together at Old town cafe. ( I didn't eat much , so at the end he ordered all those food for no one but only himself , sorry yeah wasted your 15 bucks xD ) and I am glad that he still remember my favorite drink :p Ice lemon tea :p Lol ~ We had spend a great time over there… very close and intimating. I guess we both found our passion back again :) When I realize that our story had spread throughout his classmates, I was kind of shock cause never knew people would take notice on us both that much. What I found more shocking was that , there are actually a lot more people than I thought who read my blog all this while. Through my blog they knew my stories , through knowing my stories , they spread out the stories...and then became a topic for boring chatting session. I thought all this while , no one will read de lah ~ So I dare to express everything through my blog. LOL... but I never knew that this could actually causes Tom to be such “ famous “ xD And even blame by people around him :P lol ~ how funny was that man. But yeah ~ That’s your pay for making me cry like a mad woman. :P xD

Been to my mom’s office after the date with Tom. LOL The guy who works in my mom’s office , name Sam.Whenever I saw him , I tend to stray away from him. We didn’t talked much , cause I never took any chances to do that. I dislike him for quite some while because of his attitude… lame jokes , stupiak actions , ego but dumb instead , always approaching me for nothing… and the foremost , he kept mentioned my name infront of my mom , and my mom thought that he likes me , and wanted me to be friendly with him, treat him better , have fun with him. You guys know loh ~ My mom ~~

So today, or lately , feels sort of different. Maybe I do change my mind about him , or maybe he change ? He started to approach me with a well and manner ways , started to talk in a “proper language” , not full mouth of shits .Although yeah he still keep those dumb and Ego characteristic, but I already get used to it.He’s just joking all this while. ;) So yeah I talked to him lately , although not much , but still okay ~

He hand me a snack.

Sam : Nah ~ I belanja you makan snack.

Me : Thanks , but I am not in a mood for eating…

Sam : Don’t like this lah , Give me muka , eat some.I open for you you eat.

=.=’’’

When I try to find the plug for my adapter

Sam : I’ll help you , but hey , what lah , can you please keep your things nicely ah ? The wire so messy , make it more organize mah ~

Me : That’s me , I am sorry.

Sam : =.=’’’ nothing to say , you win. * fix the messy wire for me *

LOL ~~

When I was alone

Sam : You know your mom kept telling me the same thing over and over again? Where’s my daughter ? Not yet come ? Is raining outside , she got bring umbrella or not ? Did she walk again ? Aiyo wear high heels must be painful. How long did she need to arrive here from PJ ? Why back so late yeah ?

Me : LOL. Haha

Sam : She keep standing there and worried the whole day , I listen to her mumbling until I burst my ear d.You know your mom keep showing me the dresses up stairs ? She said she wanted to buy that for you cause you always wear the same thing.

Me : I see ? ^^ lol

Sam : Yeah.You know your mom scare that you didn’t drink enough water ? LOL you should look at her face.Can’t even concentrate on her customers.Then she was afraid that you might be infected by H1N1 cause you take the train and the bus. She keep repeating the same thing over and over again , beh tahan.

……

Impressive.

Obviously , he is trying to tell me that , my mom is so worried about me. She loves me. And he rather choose to tell me the whole situation than just giving me a lecture or an advice straightly. Because he knew that I am hardly to be advice especially from a person like him.

He packed some food for me before he left. Because he knew I never really eat anything. Lol my mom kept saying >> See ? Sam so nice to you ~ pack food for you to eat leh ~ The potion is enough for you d ~

Haha ~ MOM ~ MOM ~ ^^

Sam : Esther ! Tomorrow we go makan together ah ! Tomorrow ! I drive Lamborghini to fetch you ! LOL

Me : Lol yeah sure , you belanja me I makan with you lah

Sam : SURE ! Sure I belanja you ~ I should belanja you de ~ You just don’t forget our date that’s all

=.=’’’ DATE.. Stupiak sam.

I still remember once my leg was totally scratch and hurt. He saw my leg , brought something for me to apply on it.

……

He’s actually a nice guy.Very concerned , very well organized.He loves to cook , and has a great skills on managing housework. My mom loves him because he always knew what my mom needs for the shop.But unfortunately , no one gives him a chance to prove his own abilities. So he proved himself , In a wrong way. And he doesn’t realize that. Cause no one pull him off before he damage his own life. My mom did , lol my mom sayang him that much , that’s why he respect my mom totally. I do know that his family doesn’t care about him at all. And he always hurt himself by creating an self- make accident. Spending his time wasting and destroying his own life.He even purposely bang himself from the motorcycle. Why ? I asked him. If you don’t love yourself… who else will love you ? If you don’t love yourself , then why did you want to live in this world anyway ? If you did not learn how to love yourself, then how are you going to find the way to love your love ones ?

Sam. Go studied Culinary or Hotel Managing. Only you can create your own future. No one does.
You are a great guy , but not to yourself. If you keep spending your time for nothing and wasting your talent just like that , no target in your life at all , there isn’t any difference than dying. Don’t ever be a sampah masyarakat. Doesn’t need to be famous and luxurious.As long as you can help yourself to survive in this world , and find the real purpose for your life. Then that’s enough.

OK ? JIA YOU. ^^ Thanks for the care by the way.Your birthday is approaching , so I shall buy you something , but I’ll share with my mom and Amy lah ~ :P lol or else you think bukan-bukan again. xD

YES !!! THIS IS ME !! IS ME AGAIN !!!

 

I was with Yar ding this morning. We walked together and talked together. I told her everything , every story about me and Tom. How did we both met , how did we both walked together along towards PD. From PE until PD , I had alot to tell her. She listened to my words patiently ... I told her :

"You know when was the first time we met ? Outside the Computer Lab at PE."

"Then... this is the road we walked together ... I was being so defensive that day , he walked beside me , on the left side , and I'm on the right side. Lol , he offered me to listen to his IPOD , that day was the exact same whether like today.. Sunny ... Quiet... Everything seems so calm and silent... we walked together towards PD. "

Then when we both arrived at PD.I pointed the place where we first hold our hands together.

" This is the place where we both first holding hands with each other... LOL ACTION KARMEN was sitting beside us.. she can proved everything lo ~ xD "

Yar ding switch on her handphone player. Songs started to played... All meaningful songs which can easily describe the problems we are facing in our relationship right now. I sat with her together in PD , the exact same place where we both sat together before at the PD bus stop.I felt depressed , but aren't crying cause I had cried the whole night yesterday.

My heart felt so unsecured , sadness begin to fill my lung. Can't believe this actually happen to me. I knew we both are going to meet each other today and discover the real answer from you. I couldn't sit well , so I just stood up and walked around over and over again.

Thanks Yar ding :) Thanks for everything.

 At the end , we both did met. You told me that something in your heart had lost... you love for me had lost a bit. You have to find out what's going on with you. Alright. I will give you some time for that. I told you that I don't want to lose you at all and yet I am going to pull you back when you started to felt lost between us both. I knew something was wrong... Our passion , our Love , just turn different , lol just doesn't know that it only took about two days to change that.

I cried , because you did change. I knew you are facing some problem but I couldn't help you with it. I felt useless. And disappointed when I knew I wasn't the one who can help you with all these problem of yours. I still felt sad and depressed after we both settle ... because I knew something has change... But still , I am glad things gone nice again. :) Thanks Tom ;)

Yar ding cried. Because she was disappointed about something as well. Her friends and her life during in UTAR semester. I knew , she still care about you although she told me that she had choosed not to care anymore. But.. Things are really different right now. Complicated.

After finishing my English test. All of the sudden I felt so energetic. I mean.. I sort of lost hope lately , lost my purpose lately , and I found them back .The passion back to me again , this is the exact life I wanted to have. Feeling great for my own success.

Jamming in the middle of our journey , Hon Yuen drove his car back to my house. He doesn't want to waste the fuel so , he decided not to open the air conditioner. We open the window , and the wind kept blowing onto my face. =.= my hair... seems really messy , thanks to you Hon Yuen.

But hey , that kind of feeling... felts great. I was asleep at the moment because I felt so tired... so tired. But when I woke up , and the wind blowed. All of the sudden , I had something in mind. I have found my hopes and dreams back again !! Yay !! xD

I kept asking myself. Why am I so tired ? Why am I still sad ? Now what the hell am I doing right now ? Yeah.... WHAT THE HELL HAPPEN TO YOU ESTHER ? EH WHAT HAPPEN TO YOU LATELY YEAH ? You Esther !! Wake up !!! You stupiak !!! What's the big deal man !? Is just all small matter lah please ~~ Can't you remember your major purpose of coming to UTAR ? Huh ? You want to pass foundation then up to degree right ? Now repeat again , PASS FOUNDATION PROCEED TO DEGREE !!! Don't waste much time on such stupiak things again !! Exam is coming !!

Now why are you sad about you both ? Huh ? Tom he is right about one , I should just concentrate on my studies rather than concentrate too much on an unstable relationship right now. Is just the start of your relationship and what do you expect ? You are sort of lost lately yeah Esther watch out.You didn't play your role well , you lost and being very irresponsible towards your life , your classmate your own purpose and dreams. You just narrow down your mind into this now how , how childish you are right now ? You are already 20 years old not 18 eh wake up lah ! You should show a good example for all people surround you instead of being the same 18 year old mind again. You should help people in your life not waiting others to sayang you that much. You should throw more hopes on people rather than crying with them ok ? What happen to you man ? You crying like a mad shit on the streets and to no where just because things had out of control a little and you couldn't even solve it and accept the fact ? You just let all those hella feelings control you ! YOU ! ARE ! NOT ! SUPPOSE ! TO ! BE ! LIKE ! THAT !!

And why the hell yeah ? Forcing someone to love you ? Why do you want someone who doesn't love you to stay by your side ? Just let go lah and live a new life lah just that simple ! You are not only wasting others time by being a barbarian shit , you are also wasting your own precious moment. Right now , you both should be optimistic and try to be together but at the end if he can't really love you and lost his feelings towards you anymore. JUST LET GO K ? YOU STUPIAK ! YOU THINK DRAMA IS IT ? DON'T BE A DRAMA QUEEN ! ARGG !!

You are just making a fool out of your own my dear Esther. Please stop this , don't torture your life like that , you life aren't suppose to be like that. You are suppose to be a strong girl with a willing hard to challenged every possibilities in your life and help others as much as you can rather than spending time on your own problems more. And your problems are rather I can say , very meaningless. YOU SHOULD SEEK FOR FURTHER MY DEAR. WIDER YOUR MIND !!

And please , Don't cry like that again. Ok lah for once in a while released all your tention that's not a problem at all but please.. After you cry , stand up k ? Be a strong woman again. Fear nothing. You do not live for others but you live because you wanted to create a whole new story for your life.Make your life as meaningful as possible , don't narrow down your mind .. Try everything new , try to maintain things well. BE CONFIDENT , now that's the best part. Where are all of laughter ? Just gone like that ? Where are your coolness ? Huh ? Come on !!!

And to my friends who used to argue and quarrel with me before. There are a lot of misunderstanding between us and I really hope we can just forget about this , start a new chapter in our life. We are suppose to deal like an adults right now not a child. Yes we do hated each other before but FORGET ABOUT IT ! I know you guys are tired as well right now. Me too. I just want to create a new history for all TB's , that there's no such things as >> First semester very confusing lah , keep on argue , no friendship , all bullshit.

NO ! We will be different. And leave a better memories for our first semester. Is week 12 right now. How many days again we are going to separate with each other ? Then the next semester , wah , maybe our timetable all different classes different...

Now I forgive you guys , you guys forgive me all happy together alright ? ^^ yay 

From tomorrow onwards , I shall stop complaining about everything. Is ME ! Back to me again ! :D

ESTHER THE QUEEN ! :P muahahahah ~~~

 

TIRED

I am late today >.< arggg ~~~ Naik KTM early in the morning , running like mad. But hey , I love it ! :D I never felt so energetic before since incidents that happen to me lately. I felt wonderful when trying to catch the train to KL CENTRAL. Running like mad lol ~~ Nothing seems to appear in my mind on that moment.I felt great. This is the exact life I want to have.

Came to school , with a moody mood. The atmosphere just change suddenly , something fishy seems to appear.. woah ~ I never knew that someone would change their whole attitude suddenly towards me. LOL How great to see people like that in my class. Now what ? Another new start of my life story ? Muahahah ~~~ We'll see how then.

Computer studies debate , will be started on Thursday. LOL No matter what , guys , just try our best to win this battle alright ? I don't mind winning or loosing , cause Debating is fun ! Have fun for it and learn something through it . ^^

I knew there are some people who still plan something on me. But whatever it is , this isn't something which I should care. I can only say , I trusted the wrong person again , and I have been disappointed by those people again. Then... haha , I can't believe you are one of them. You used me as I am a bottle or a toy to you. LOL why I never learn yeah ? Again.I am falling apart. T.T

Life still need to continue isn't it ? I will sure be deep down depress lately , when you see my face with ugly sign on it. I am so sorry that you have to see that. Do not approuch me cause I wasn't sure if my mood will influence you guys... Just approuch me when I own that happy smile again : )

我要好好的活下去。

我的生活，真的很烂。

现在是凌晨十二点半。睡不着，做不了事情。只好？写些东西发泄。

原本以为二十岁的生活应该是很不一样才对，怎知比以前还烂！！压力重重，不断的来。学校的压力，朋友之间的压力，感情问题，功课上的压力。别人的家，是个安慰，我的家？是个烂摊子。在学校吵完了，还得回去跟我妈吵，且吵的东西没实际内容，全都是BULLSHIT。

我妈，我妈。是个不会听人把话说完的妈。不把话听完就算了，够气人的是，不知道事情的真相，还冷到别人没道理，HURT 人家。没把人家的话听完，还自己乱乱猜，乱乱想，把别人生活搞到一团糟的，是我妈的强项。

原本跟家人的关系一向都不好。有了男朋友之后，更惨。难听的话不断的来，还说什么那么容易就接受人家的好意，很CHEAP。我的女儿怎么会那么CHEAP？

如果你是她女儿，听了这番烂话，你会怎么想？旁人会怎么想呢？我没男朋友的时候，你就整天念到我傻念到我累，现在我有了，你又念，你到底想我怎样！？

最好笑的是，我已经是二十岁人头了，还得让你控制我的一切吗？为什么你就不能体谅我些呢？你是我的母亲也！别人不体谅我，你至少都该体谅我一点吧？为什么无论我怎样解释都好，你都爱跟我吵个有完没完呢？

有谁，可以帮我跟我妈解释一下？大学的生活真的比中学的生活有所不同了。我们的课程表排列都不是ＦＩＸＥＤ的，很多时候会很迟回来，且我的朋友偶尔会跟我时间不同，载不到我就得搭车回来，一定比平时迟一个小时多。为什么，我每次说了一百篇！　你还是会把我的话给忘光呢！？第二天又重复同样的东西，你是在挑战我的耐性吗！？拜托，再怎么有耐性的人都会被你给念死了！！！　

举个例子

那天，　我的朋友拨了个电话给我，告诉我说她看到帅哥。我听听就算，知道她闷，陪她聊聊。怎知道！！？这种家常便饭，闲话聊聊的东西， 都可以被她看成

“你们这班人，整天不好好读书，爱说这些CHEAP的话题。所以我就不应该送你去COLLEGE就是这样。被他们弄脏了你的思想！"

HEY !!!ＷＡＴＣＨ　ＹＯＵＲ　ＭＯＵＴＨ　ＯＫ　！？你怎么可以这样说话？你自己何尝也不是这样的人吗？再说现在的年轻人，不管是COLLEGE还是PU，都是会谈这些的！ 拜托！！请你看清楚这世界！看清楚你自己再说话OK！？我知道你是故意骂给我爸听，再让他冷我对不对！？ 你很无聊！

我真的发现我身边的人越来越废了。家庭的事情够我烦了，现在？朋友之间的事连续不断的来。
原本以为，只要我保持沉默，发生的事，总有一天会淡化的。怎知道！？还有人会挑回之前的事情来说！我的天啊~ 你们真的没多余的时间浪费吗？偏要浪费在这些事情上！？还说什么今天大家要做下来好好谈。。。　ＭＡＮ！谈什么！？很好谈吗？过了的事很好谈吗！？ 我真不明白，你要说我就说饱它，我没什么好在意的，把我说得再烂都好，我不在乎！可我拜托你，不要每一次自己搞到一大堆事情之后，又找回人家谈，每次一发完脾气给脑冲血想不到东西之后，又低声下气的找人谈，你究竟知道自己在干什么吗？我早就予料到你要对他们说的东西，你想要让全世界的人讨厌我随你去，我还是我，不会因为别人的眼光就活不下去。

感情？真的很STUPIAK！！你很懦弱！我想我们之间真的该冷静一下，暂时分开好好想想。我知道你想什么，我也不想在乎太多，既然你都讲明了，我就成全你~　随你！！

我跟你们说，你们都够了！！

今天的我，会是一个回复了自信的Ｅｓｔｈｅｒ。我不会再去在乎太多而忘了自己的快乐！我要做回我自己，不受于控制，回复笑容。做回刚进来ＵＴＡＲ的ＥＳＴＨＥＲ。虽然，事情会有所不同，但是真正的我，还是存在的。我不会再为了别人而活下去，我要好好的生活，活出属于自己的精彩！　　

　

AVOIDING

I played my piano today. Randomly playing. I think only my own randomly compose music could express exactly how I feel.

Fear , anger , frustration , confusing , sad , deep , scary thoughts. All together as one. Guess how that music feels like ?

LOL Terrible.

I thought a lot through my playing , about the moments we both had yesterday , about things that happen recently , about my friends as well as my life. What seems amazing is that , my life totally change like mad.Everything just came to me like rocket, I haven't got a time to adjust that , and it feels really scary to me.

I felt so unsecured right now , my heart keep telling me that I can do this , just hold on to myself , no matter what happen just be strong , and stand up like nobody's business. But on the other hand , my brain keep telling me the opposite sides of what the heart tells.I struggle within this two everyday. And till right now , I still have no idea which to choose and which to follow.

So I tend to avoid. Avoid from my true feelings , avoid from my real thoughts. I lie , to myself. And through that , I hurt my love ones.

I am so sorry... Tom... This silly girl , brings you a lot of trouble. Reconsider ? Please ? I don't want to hurt you. And I don't want to be hurt as well. It is better to be solve fast than delay longer. Because I don't know whether I can stand the consequences later or not.My instinct kept telling me that it was a bad consequences between us both. I don't know why. I just feel that... but my belief tells me that I want this so bad. Because I love you. I started to love you so bad right now. And please ignore me when I started to get very emotional again , because I don't want to trouble you and let you see the ugly side of me. I want to leave a happy moments for you. And for us. I just want you to be happy while you are with me.    

As to my friend , pardon my ego at times. No matter what attitude I have , what kind of bad impression I give. As I know for sure , I will never used nor treated our friendship as a game. I always hand out everything I could just to prove our friendship isn't fake.I treated people with sincere that's what I always did. And I dare to say that. But I have my own principles as well , I will never hand out everything for the people who disappoint me as well as others. Because you , don't deserve for me to care at all. And stop copy my words. You don't learn anything from my words instead you use it in a wrong way. That's very humiliating.

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PEACE

 

LOL ~ Seeking for Peace right now.

I felt really exhausted today. No mood for anything at all. There are a lot of disappointment shows. A lot of underneath stories behind.. Which people may not know the truth behind those stories? Cause most of them just looking at the surface instead of looking beneath it.

Now , today , I just want to wrote my blog by expressing how I feel  about people surround me. Not specific on someone or anybody else. It is all based on what I have experience lately , and what I have learn lately.

“ Do not judge me by the surface if you don’t know me that well. “ that’s what Yar ding told me.

After my school today , I went to Glad Tidings with Yar ding. We drank Latte and Cappucino. It taste really well , and smell really nice. The reason why I brought her  there is because I wanted her to have some peace after all those silly things that happened onto her.I knew she felt so tired until she could just turn into mad. Why ? Because a lot of things happened lately , and that related to her personal life as well. She’s a very kind and sincere girl who always consider her friends before she consider about herself. A very considerate girl indeed which I had never met one before in my life. I guess some of the people actually forgot the fact that she is still a young girl who tries so hard to learn everything about her life. Although I can say , she doesn’t did well sometimes , but who does ? Tell me who does ? Human’s are never perfect. It may be an old phrase but is true. You may ask her to change into someone that you think she should be, but tell me do you really think , that she can change as 100 percent as you wish to ? Eventhough it isn’t 100 percent , it also needs time to fulfill that changing task.

What I do sad about is that , they rather pay more attention about her negative side more than her positive ones. Yes , she does annoyed me before this. A lot I can say. But I never take too much notice nor bother about that too much because I knew , that everyone owns a different personality and you can never expect them to be the same as you thought. I tend to just stray away from her at times , when I knew I wasn’t the one who can change her. I told her that though different personality is the main reason why people did not take any consideration to change that much. But it can be an excuse for those people who are stubborn enough to change their negative attitude as well as characters which it could bring lots of influence in their life and others. I told her , that this world aren’t just black and white that easy. So do not seek only for the right and wrong. You have to understand the grey colour part as well. I do told her , that sometimes things which you have seen by using your pair of eyes doesn’t shows the truth as well. 

People might say , that I stab her back behind and then I tell different things infront of her. But the truth ? It always lies within Yar ding herself. She knows better than anybody what kind of a person I am. People don’t know that Yar ding knew more than anybody does when it comes to this matter. 

“Do not accept your friend as in who you want them to be , but instead , accept them as in who they really are. “

I do expect this girl to change sometimes, because with her attitude she’s going to bring a lot of problem for her own future society. But when I knew how hard for her to struggle between her own identity and the identity we wanted her to be , I stop asking her to do that. Because I knew , she change herself just to please us , she doesn’t change herself by her own willingness to change. We can’t force her , and we may not be the one who are destine to change her into another person. Only she is the one who can change herself through time.

For me , I am a very neutral kind of person. I don’t choose my own friends to be together with everyday. Even though there are times which I really do stray myself away from yar ding , and she knew that very well , we both knew each other thoughts in a quite similar ways. I choose not to say anything in front of her is because , she already knew my words for her.But still , if you say hi to me , I will say hi to you. If you choose to talk with me , I will do the same to you as well. If you respect me , I would to. 

“ Good friends doesn’t mean you have to talk everyday , be together with everyday. But indeed , good friends are mend to be together although they did not say anything at all while being together, and still feel comfortable for each other.”  By Yar ding.

What we don’t understand is that , why people are so shallow minded ?

Let’s set for an example :

People may ask :

Why Esther so friend with Yar ding already de ?

Why Carmen and esther so friend suddenly de ?

I always laughed about it whenever I heard all these. I mean , does it really matter to you that much ? Does people always waste their time on observing these matters than observing more important matters  in their life ? And what I have to say is that , there isn’t any SUDDENLY friendship. There must be some reason lies within without you knowing it. Like I’ve said , things you haven’t seen , doesn’t mean things you already know. So is better not to judge by just looking at the surface. Moreover, judging things like this is just a waste of time.

Another thing is that , do people really wish to see us all argue ? So you mean like what ? When I hate a person , I have to told her or him everything infront then argue with them everyday ? Showing muka busuk everyday ? Shouting like shit everyday ? NO. I don’t do that for the sake of my happy life. Why do I need to count that much ? Why ? If you can’t even let go of the little things in your life , how can you learn to be happy ? I still choose to see the good side of you although I knew there is some negative side of you which bothers me a lot. Means that I still treated you as my friend. But I don’t understand why there are people who loves to turn everything into just BLACK AND WHITE. You wrong you wrong , you right then you right. Now everyday , every time , every second and minutes. A lot of mistake occurred. Imagine if you get mad for all those mistake that happen , will you turn into someone that you couldn’t even imagine ? You let your own unnecessary angriness control you , and you tend to forget about toleration. Then you wouldn’t be happy , you will be control by the people in your life , you can’t seek for the truth properly , you are confused , you scold here then scold there , you blame all the people  surround you without knowing the truth. And the sad things is that , you seems to forgot about those important things in your life because you pay too much attention into things which are very very very small. Even can be say translucent or Invisible.

And for the most funny part , you did the same thing as what others did to you.Then you blame others like mad.

We both been to Sungei Wang recently , we ate a lot. Don’t care whether fat or not fat , we just ate whatever we want to eat. The chocolate stick , woah !!! Auntie Anne chocolate stick is the best. LOL That was one of the most happiest time I ever had after been through all exhausting moment lately. We don’t really talk much about things that happen towards us recently , we just shared about each other’s life , her family her friends and stuff like that. See ? Happiness can be that easy , if you choose to be happy , then you will be happy. But if you choose hatred , sad , being alone. Then there you go. Is just that simple.

I don’t care what people said behind my back. I choose not to care that much. Because I knew whatever I explain , is just the waste of time. I don’t need the whole world to agree with what I have done. Because the result shows that I still did my job and I still fulfill my task already. I just seek for the important result not the unnecessary ones. And even I do explain , so ? Nothing would happen. There are sure people who turn everything into bad again , saying that I am fake , giving false excuses , hypocrite blab la bla ~ They rather choose to see the negative side of me than choose to see the positive side of me. Is like they are perfect nothing wrong with them at all.Then appointed me that I am so fake when one of the person among those people are the fakest of all. Everyone knew that, and some are even disappointed by that person , but still some people remain silent , why ? Because we don’t want these small matters to influence our life. If they really want me to be blame for everything. Then is alright , I don’t mind.

The wereld is zwart. Even how good a person is , there are still people who dislike that person.  

Right now , I just choose to go with the flows. And continue my happy life ^^ Yeah yeah I am so fake whatever.

Do not Disturb me.

As I thought I will be celebrating for the succeed of my VISUAL DIARY. I left it at home =.='''

Man !!! argggg !!!!!!!

SHIT YOU !!! STUPIAK ESTHER !!!

So I beg for forgiveness from Danielle and luckily she allowed me to pass out that visual diary tomorrow... Phew !!

I was totally a mess up today , and stress up as well. Every morning, I have to run all over my house just to get things done.So silly.Ends up , I look horrible.

As for today daily routine , as usual , go to school. I wasn't in a very good mood today due to what I have heard from other " Parties" which is something about me. About my ability about my capabilities.

They said I never did my assignment part. They said I concentrate too much on my relationship until I abandon the assignments as well as their so called feelings. LOL REALLY AH !? I didn't know that.

As far as I know , I stress myself like mad , while others are trying to finish their whole visual diary thingy , I have to finish the whole english scrap book thing , account's conclusion thing , computer studies essay , as well as Economics question. What makes it even more silly was that , that Economic's question and Computer studies conclusion are actually finished by my Boyfriend. Which they said he is the person that distracted my attention from my assignments.

Now let me ask you. What did I do wrong ? Tell me.

You said I spend more time on my relationship right now. Ok , yeah I did. During the assignment week , my boyfriend has to travel so far from PA , PC to PD just to accompany me and spend time with me , that's while I was discussing the assignments stuff together with you guys. He have to wait for me hours and hours sitting there for nothing then left again just because I never arrange any of my time for him for the sake of my group assignment. Also , he did tried his very best to help us for the assignments which we are useless enough to solve it.

Do you guys still want to know how did I spend my time with him ? PE , PD. Lunch , study room.
Why choose this fucking place yeah ? BECAUSE I HAVE NO CHOICE FOR THE SAKE OF MY GROUP ASSIGNMENTS !!! I promise myself that I will never fail my group members no matter what , that's the benefits you enter into my group. That's why , I sacrifice both our precious moment and time just to finish the whole assignment while you guys have more extra time than me to sleep. I didn't even sleep at all !

And now what did you said regarding of your appreciation to me ?

" I don't want to say anything la ~ about you and Tom , you sort of out of control lately.They d complain about your part in assignment , which you did not do things. "

HA HA. HAHAHAHAHAH ! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHH !!!

Yeah yeah I did not do anything , then what did I work on lately yeah ? Rubbish ?  What did you guys hand out lately ? Also invisible Rubbish ? The english essay invisible is it ? Can't see anything from it ? The account conclusion essay invisible is it ? The Economic and Computer studies essay also invisible lah ? What else yeah ? Public speaking outline , wah ~ Disappeared after all my hard work.

I know what you guys think. " Esther's job is easy mah !! That's why she's the most relaxing one lo !"

Haha , easy. Then if you guys are so smart and intelligent , you guys finish it lor ~ If writing essays are really that easy , then you guys work on it lor , better right ? Why push it to me while it is so easy ? Eh please lah ladies ~ Assignments for our first semester are all about essays , essays , and essays , maybe some calculation for accounts and economics. But if I let you choose , will you choose calculations or essays ? Essays place the most part of the assignments , I can say it was 80 percent to 100 percent lor ,  and I did all the essays , do I say anything about it ? Do I complain anything about it ? Do I say something like >> VERY STRESS AH ~~ DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO AH ~~ DON'T FORCE ME TO DO AH  ~~. Then being emo like a retarded shit over there jumping like hell just because you can't solve a simple question. Did I ?

If you guys are really that good enough , try to finish it within one day for the essays. Can you guys finish those essays as what I have expected to be ? You thought I am a writer is it ? Wah so geng ah can finish my essays per day. ( Even author or writer took months for that )

Man , guys... can you guys just stop being that childish !!? Is ripping me off all the time !!! Please look clearly at the result who is the one who done most part of the assignment before you judge someone who did not do their part just because that person spend a little time with her love ones !? Now my life control by you guys is it ? I have my own relationship also can't ? I don't deserve it ? is it ? I knew what you guys think , that how can Esther deserve such a relationship ? She should be here working like mad for us. Isn't it ?  

 Shit you guys I don't even have time for my Visual Diary for the sake of those stupiak essays !!

If you guys , want to back stab me behind , fine ~~ I don't care. You guys say whatever you guys wish to say. How buruk is my name , I won't care. Because I already get used to all these stuff.

BUT PLEASE DO NOT INVOLVE MY RELATIONSHIP INTO THIS. Cause I can swear that I never really spend much time on it and I felt guilty right now for doing this to Tom because I get nothing from you guys even just an appreciation but a bunch of bull shit stuff coming out from your mouth. EVEN A THANK YOU ? I don't ever get the chance to hear. I don't mind about all these really , even if you push whatever task for me , I will still try my very best to succeed them.Because I never wanted to let anyone of you down and fail.If you guys choose me as a leader , I will try my very best to make sure you guys pass all the assignment.Eventhough if you guys did not choose me as a leader , I will still fullfill what I need to fullfill.

BUT WHAT THE HELL IS THIS ? INVOLVE MY RELATIONSHIP FOR SHIT ?

Now don't you guys ever blame anything about my relationship. Cause is unfair to me , is unfair to TOM as well. I HATE IT. If I hear any of you guys try to say something about my relationship , prepare for the slap onto your stupid mouth.

THE END

~~ SURPRISE ~~

Sigh.... My visual diary ah...

Due to the reason that I haven't finish some of my art work yet , I decided to finish those art work at school.But mane tahu itu driver ah ~ Whenever I get late , he will arrive earlier than me. When I tend to be early that day , he will always be late. Now play with me is it ? cheh.

So I woke up early this morning, was hoping that I can arrive school earlier than usual just to work on my Visual Diary. But that stupiak driver has been late for over 20 minutes. WTF !  And so I receive Tom's call as well... but I choosed not to pick up for some reason. Right now , I just wanted to concentrate on my assignments , not others. 

When we arrived school , it is almost 8.00am. There's a huge bunch of students in study room rushing for their Visual Diary as well. Garbage everywhere , papers everywhere , the whole room is in a huge mess ! So horrible.... I wonder what UTAR paid for those indian auntie ah ? Shit ? That's why those indian auntie cleaner doesn't want to finish their job on cleaning?

Oh ~ I skipped my Economic Lecture's class just to finish my damn Visual Diary... I felt so damn tired ~~ I guess everyone in my class had the exact same situation as mine... cause I can see panda eyes from every each of them. English Tutorial class lagi worse , we don't even have the mood for the class... I guess Mr. Yaw aren't happy with us today cause we didn't pay any attention to his class,I am sorry Mr.Yaw.. too tired to listen... we are rushing for visual diary the whole night without sleeping... We did tried our very best to open our ears but that the same time our eyes are shutting down like shit >.<

During the Art tutorial...same as last week , all of us are asking questions around like mad again... but luckily TB1 are very cooperative , we helped each other during the tutorial revision session.TB1 !! OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!! YES !!!!!!!!! SERIOUSSSS ~~ AH ~~~ ?

 I thought I will end my whole day class session with a bad and tired mood.
But then a message came.It was him.

" Princess, can we talk after your art class ? I will be waiting nearby "

I deleted the message. Nearby ? Lol that means he won't be around my class right ? Avoid from him yay ! Cause I have no mood for all these. Not today , and not tomorrow.

But then... =.=''' he very smart lo ~

He was waiting for me outside my classs !!!!! I sort of... avoid having eye contacts with him.Luckily shadow came by and distracted my attention and awkward reaction by calling my name , we both discussed something about the computer studies.I was being cold to him that time... >,< so bad la me. Until....

" Princess ? Princess... Close your eyes pls."

=.=''' what the fuck is he doing right now ? Don't do something stupiak ah ! I refused to close  my eyes at the first place.

But when that Julie pig and Action Karmen insisted me to close my eyes, I closed lo ~

I thought this is going to be a stupid game or what so ever... but when I tend to open my eyes again... what I have saw , is something which never ever happen to me before... never something in my life I would expected that to happen.. Never have any thoughts and images about that in my mind cause I never take notice on that either... But it did happen... and is a guy like him who makes it happen... He even injured his neck just to give me this... ( I felt so bad... so sorry... so hurt for you...) and is very embarassing to take that together with him and give it to me in Public...But still.. he did... just for the sake of an unimportant apology... my mind was blank and my mouth was wide open when he gave that to me...

IT IS...  A BOUQUET OF FLOWERS !!!

He told me , that he have read my post which is written in chinese.. he doesn't understand them... so he asked someone to translated them just to knew and understand how I feel...

and ,  and , he gave me a card...

" PRINCESS , I'm so so sorry for the things I did. I was inconsiderate and didn't take care of your feelings... Please give me another chance because only you can change me into a better man. "

I kissed him immediately... infront of public because.. I don't care anymore.I just want to kiss this wonderful guy infront of me. I felt touched , not because of the flower.. but is the fact that he had shown his sincerity to me...

I mean , does a girl like me even deserve all this ?

A guy like him.. should deserve a better girl than me.. but he did all these just for me.

Tom... you are such a sweet guy. ;) Thanks for lightening my life with your surprise everyday...You touches my heart... Never ever something which are so meaningful like this happens to me before in my life... never even an appreciation from anyone before..but you did... and you makes it happen... you are wonderful.I admit that I am cold at times... and I choose not to care about anything at all...because I have fed up with the people and environment surroundings... who hurts and let me down all the time. I thought I will be going to spend the rest of my life being alone , doing things alone , and still I don't mind about it at all cause I knew I already get used to it. I try so hard to defend myself from being hurt by anyone.. that's why I am so cold and reckless.I DON'T DARE TO LOSE AT ALL. But you proved me wrong Tom.I wasn't a very caring girl... I don't know how to repay you back for all the things you've done to me... because I never experienced anything like this before... and plus never take notice about anything like this... But what I knew is that... I will always love you with all my heart... and I will always be there for you no matter what... cause you are not alone ;) I will protect you, sayang you , and listen to every single word you say.. I will take more notice on you...I won't abandon you.

I LOVE YOU

And God.. thanks for everything... thanks for sending such an angel into my life.. I'm sorry for my rebellious and unconcerned attitude at times... I am sorry for the ignoring at times.. I am so sorry.

But what tom told me was true. Anything that God gives , never mend to be bad.There must be a purpose , a meaning , and always mend to be good.

See that ? I'm falling for an Angel..

茅盾

有时候。。。真搞不懂自己究竟要的是什么。

很茅盾。

我想。。。目前的我，真的比较适合一个人的生活。

还是说，我早就已经习惯了独自生活的乐趣？

偶尔，真的有点累。找不到了解自己的人。

我什么都不要。。只想快快乐乐的生活下去。

我答应自己，无论如何，都一定要快乐。不要再重复以前的生活了。

我要一个新的自己。新的开始。　

我的生活，非得精彩。　

我一定的坚强。

STUPIAK !!!! DAY ~~~

Woke up at 5.00am.

Very tired.... Assignments are making me crazy like hell lately. This is what we call stress. Unlike some people who doesn't even do anything , but kept saying >> I'm stress yer ~ so stress ~~ don't know how to do , don't know what to do , very crazy ~~ ahhH ~~~ ( even trying to make herself look busy , cheh , you think me Esther live 10 years for nothing is it ? )

Tell me , does she even deserved to utter a word STRESS ? F. U . C . K  you lah !!!

Yesterday internet connection broke down , that's so lin stupiak ! I am having an urgent assignment and you still !! arggg !!!! cheh !!

This morning , I woke up early to prepare myself for the showcase due to the reason that we are having an art presentation gallery and I am one of the showcase's committee member. I dress myself like la la mui today. With a short pants and a boots just to make me feel comfortable while running around like shit cause ACTION KARMEN restricted me to wear high heels as well as mini skirt.

She is getting very serious for her showcase preparation... no choice , she's the host of the showcase and I am her assistant.

Now , the point is. I will always leave my house at 6:30am. But guess what ? My little cuty brother woke up at 6:30am sharp !!! ( STUPIAK !! ) I AM SO PROUD OF YOU !! DWI DWI !! Then my mom ? LOL MY MOM ~~~ She has to attend a so called important meeting today and she woke up at 7.00am.

WAH ~~~ SOOO ~~ IMPORTANT ~~ WAHHh ~~

My dad ? Still sleeping lo ~

Me ? My showcase starts at 7:30am and my driver refused to wait for me due to the reason that I was getting too late at that time. I am so sorry about that Driver. I promise I will whack them for you.

Nevermind ~ then my dad fetch me to school immediately , but I never knew why the hell a smart person like him never uses his brain to think. So many road you don't want to use you use the KLANG LAMA road which famous is with HEAVY TRAFFIC JAM EVERY MORNING !

Man ? What the fuck ? I know you have 40 years of experience on driving already ah pa ~~ but that doesn't mean you have 40 years of experience on using the brain ok ? You never predicted the time , you never predicted the days whether it is weekend or not ~ Still insisted that using KLANG LAMA road only spends about 30 minutes. EHH ~~ HELLO ~~ That day was SATURDAY ALRIGHT !? Of course there isn't any traffic jam in the morning !!! Use your brain to think lah !!!!!

I know you guys thinks that I am cruel. But by facing a person who doesn't knew about anything , still pretended as he knows it all. IT SUCK THE HELL OUT OF ME !

DAD : Ask your driver wait for a while mah ~ very fast de mah ~~

Me : Wah ~ people so TAK HAN wait for you ah ? You let people fetch still want others to wait for you
so " DAI PAI " ah ? People own you one is it ? How can you let people wait for you instead they are the one who fetch you ? You should wait for them ok ?

DAD : Won't lambat la ~ your class usually starts at 8am , sure can arrive before that.

Me : What oh ? You think really that easy ? Doesn't need to think about the traffic jam that wasted our time for over one hour everyday ? Parking slot leh ? Don't need time to find that is it ?

MOM : Next time ah ! You guys better wake up early lah !! You see me ! Now late already !!

???????

WHAT THE STUPIAK FUCKING HELL !!?

Now who is the one who woke up at 7am just now !?

And your meeting starts at 9.00 am so shut the hell out !! man !!

Another incident

That miss Danielle ~~~ with a nice smile and sweet voice ~~ so angel ~~

When I arrived school , she still hasn't arrived yet. Nevermind , then prepare the showcase quickly loh or else ACTION KARMEN pic chek. And she really is , I can understand that totally cause she wants everything to be perfectly done , anything which is not under her control , sure blasted like hell. So Danielle hasn't came yet. We don't care as long as there is a projecter as well as  extension provided for us.

But the thing is... The projecter and the extension haven't came too. Because ? That sweet little miss Danielle didn't booked and reserved for us loh ~~~

But at the end still blame us Showcase group for nothing. Eh ? Hello ? You think we showcase team is perfect and brilliant is it ? MC host job also our fault , TB's presentation also our job , even the laptop , extension and projector which is belongs to the lecture's right for booking it , our fault as well ? Ok now you blame us for everything lah ? Huh ?

You punye orang sendiri pun tak tahu role sendiri , nak buat ape pun tak tahu , you tak pergi blame dia orang you datang pic chek kita orang?

I totally agree with Action Karmen stand. She said it is ok if she criticize on our ability for not doing a great job. But pls do not  judge me by saying that I didn't do anything at all. OK ? 

This world is getting miserable with all these kind of people in it. HATE THEM !! ARGGG !!!

LOL

I went to PC block today. With him. Yeah ~ I promise him to watch his presentation so there I go.

PC , is a very colded place. The air conditioner cold like hell. It almost freezed me lol. But oh well , I still like it. I rather to be cold till death than hot till death. For future broadcaster and future graphic designers~ You guys will never regret to start your class at PC. The computer lab and all that are much more better than PE block.

I attended his class. Then I observed the environment in his class. To me , it is totally an adult world.Everyone there is so different than the people in PE. They lost the joy we had everyday , lost the argument we had at times , lost the happiness and the freedom we experience in PE. Not only that , I have observed his classmate as well... and the conclusion I got was... I have been to the society world with those OL and OB working in companies. The attitude , the style , the egoism and et cetera et cetera. Those hatred behind the smile , those back stabbing behind the smile , those lies behind the smile... Is really hard to find someone who are straight forward enough. Unlike us , I can say.. although.. we aren't really getting into a higher maturity level of thinking , but we are happy due to the reason that we never think too much. BUT there is an disadvantage as well , and it is because we never use the brain to think wider , so we are not trained to have a higher maturity level of thinking.

lol... things are never been perfect isn't it ? ^^

Tom , I can say you have done a great job on your presentation , well done.Except the fact that you are using it at the wrong person.Those people doesn't have any professional mind at all.They do not wish to improve their mind , in fact , they only wish to go back early and sleep.

HUMANS ~ AHH ~~ HAHAHAHAHH ~~

I seen her mom today. Thank to you TOM =.=''' In a very unprepared situation... I wore a short pants and a low cut blouse... With a boots... SO LA LA !!! ARGGG !!!

Her mom... I can say.. she seems like a woman who has been through a lot. So calm and intelligent. UNLIKE MINE ~ LIKE A CHILD. I don't know how and what her mom thinks about me but what I knew was that , I like her. Seeing her quiet and peace infront of me , is hard to predict and observe what her thoughts really are... a Mystery woman.She owns her caring side , but at the same time , she is quite cold.

But overall , lol , I had a great time for dinner ^^ 127 RINGGIT WOR !!! LOL !! XD !!!! Don't know what kind of CIPLAK NORMAL RESTAURANT was that ~ Eh ~~ I ate those at serdang oh ~ maximum 70++ only lor ~~ tasty lagi ~~

Entahlah ape yang berlaku dengan dunia ni ~ cheh ~

AND I STAY IN CHERAS SELATAN NOT CHERAS :P

lolz xD